If I were a Christian and believed that Jesus was the Son of God, I might take some comfort in the thought that if Christ were returning some day, the odds of him coming back through Haiti - probably number three with a bullet on the list of Top Ten Desperate Hellholes on the Face of the Earth - are pretty damn good. So condemn away, preachers, because it's well known that Jesus had a huge hard-on for those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, and an appetite for righteousness is pretty much the only commodity that Haiti has in abundance. In fact, I believe it's what their GDP is currently based upon.
It will come as no surprise to my readers that I am not a Christian, however, and so I tend to look at the situation in a more psychological context. If the wretched people of Haiti can be made to appear somehow deserving of their plight, then it's just that much easier for us to plunk down five easy payments of $19.99 each for Ab Circle Pro, an amazing fitness breakthrough that will banish those love handles in 30 days or your money back! It's in our nature, I guess, to want the universe to make some sense, and if the Haitians are all evil voodoo whitey-haters, then a 7.0 nation leveler TOTALLY makes sense, brah.
No doubt the universe is a crazy-ass place. I mean, you don't have to be stoned (although, as usual, let me emphasize that it wouldn't hurt) to quickly become overwhelmed with confusion and angst when contemplating the question "Of all possible worlds, why this one?" - especially if you happen to be watching Bridezillas at the same time. Every time I ponder the profusion of professional wrestling organizations, or the latest hipster fashion trend, I can't help but marvel at the incomprehensibly trivial nature of the majority of our endeavors.
Maybe Jesus, if he truly lived and said all those things, felt the same way. Maybe that's why he reckoned that anyone asking for your shirt might as well have your coat, too. I would never recommend such a drastic liquidation of one's wardrobe; the best that could be said about me, I suppose, is that I am on board with spreading the wealth around - although that only puts me at the 53rd percentile. Not exactly illuminated company.
And look, no one's asking you to personally donate any of your hard-earned bucks to the citizens of Haiti. You can decide that they're all heathen jigaboo thugs, or that our government will send aid using your tax dollars anyway, or that you're suffering already in this tight economy and don't have any dough to spare. That's cool. It's not my business what you do with your money. So, like I said, no one's forcing you to lend a hand up, although, if you ask me, membership in the human race should require, at bare minimum, not kicking them when they're on the ground. I'm looking at you, Reverend.
Also, I will admit that after spending the better part of an hour this morning shopping for a pair of shoes I don't really need at DSW before my $5 birthday discount could expire, I suddenly hit a wall of shame I could neither scale nor circumvent. So maybe the Haitians deserve at least what I would spend on a pair of last year's strappy sandals, no?
After all, it is tax deductible.