Monday, February 01, 2010

How you like me now?



I have been mulling President Obama's recent State of the Union speech, and the controversy over Justice Alito mouthing the words "not true" after Obama criticized the recent court ruling granting corporations "free speech" rights to use unlimited sums to influence elections.

My feelings about the ruling I've already made known, but what about the feathers that this incident has ruffled in Washington?

Some say that by, in effect, talking back to the president, Justice Alito has damaged the veneer of SCOTUS political neutrality.

Others say that Obama committed a grave breach of etiquette by criticizing the ruling in a forum wherein the justices could not defend themselves.

I say WHO GIVES A GOOD GODDAMN? Oh, and also SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING IRRELEVANT HACKS.

It's just so typical of our self-important legislators, and the press that enables them, that this became such a huge story. As if their make-believe world of "esteemed colleagues" and decorative judicial gold sleeve bars matters one tiny fucking bit now, or ever did.

The SCOTUS decision was recent, it was huge, and it matters a lot to the business of the American people. And oh, look, it just so happens that Obama has a pretty important speech to give wherein he's supposed to inform the American people what the fuck is going down right now in the country and uh-oh! Too bad! He can't talk about the decision because 3 of the dudes who voted for it are in the room. Once again the rights of the people have been thwarted by the false propriety of a room full of bastards who hate each other so much that one side wouldn't piss on the other if it were on fire.*

Well, here's my message to the pitiful Roman circus that we call the fourth estate: stop fucking talking about yourselves! No one gives a shit about your insular world and its inane code of conduct! It's not your job to tsk tsk over meaningless protocol and fret about who was verbally served. That's why we have rappers.

And it's all very well and good for the press to look down their noses on entertainment fare like The Housewives of New Jersey, but let me tell you readers, before the next season starts they'd better take a long look in the mirror and decide exactly what it is that distinguishes them from a room full of preening ignoramuses obsessed with who said what about who and who does she think she is, anyway. Because the distinctions are thin on the ground, guys, and the perceived slight is no basis for a system of government.

And before SCOTUS and its defenders decide to continue crowing about this veneer of neutrality, I would like to point out what motherfucking veneer of neutrality? I mean, huh? If there is a veneer, that is one thin mamajama veneer. I mean, the last time I saw anything as thin as the Supreme Court's veneer of neutrality, it was styling Nicole Richie for the red carpet.

As far as all future communications from our government go, I would like to suggest that they take the form of Obama's recent address to the Republican Cry-baby Club. Because if we stop with all the holy holy Washington protocol and let them go at Obama over policy in a real battle of the wits, guess who dunks on them all day long?

And so yeah, I think it's great that the president is doing the town halls on job creation blah blah blah. But I would like to see him face those who don't think that the perpetrators of the crimes on 9/11 should be tried in the U.S. justice system.

I would like to see him take it to that hack Giuliani, who you just know would be SO on board for a New York trial if it had been proposed by the Bush administration.

I would like to see him smack down Lindsey Graham, and ask him why exactly he hates the U.S. justice system so much.

I would like to see him ask Joe Lieberman what it is about our policies regarding Israel that he doesn't want publicly examined.

Okay, that last one will never happen, but still, a gal can dream, can't she?

And I would like to offer the people of New York - if they really really feel like they can't stand the heat of a trial - the venue of the Los Angeles Staples Center.

Because LA knows security. We know celebrity security. We know fucking hip hop security, which is the most serious security in the world. We do the Oscars. We do the Grammys. We did Michael Jackson's funeral, for fuck's sake, we can do the trial of some self-important deluded Kuwaiti goon. Of course, they'll have to work around the Lakers schedule, but we can give the trial some of the Clippers' slots. They won't mind.



*Unless there was a primary challenger threatening to drive the party even further from center.

9 comments:

Grant Miller said...

Amen!

SkylersDad said...

Only you could weave a rapper and Housewives of New Jersey reference into a great political piece. Well done.

kirby said...

The Clippers' won't mind.....beautiful.

Marshall Park Slope said...

"How you like me now". i'm lovin you right now.

Anonymous said...

The Supreme Court will not take this affront lying down!!! In a different age, such affronts were resolved like Burr & Hamilton, and yes, even Andrew Jackson, resolved them.

The Supreme Court is riled. When they express their Wrath, it will make make george Wallace look like Santa Claus on the Civil Rights issue.

GETkristiLOVE said...

I just want to make it clear that I love you so much, I'd pee on you if you were on fire.

Mnmom said...

Why I haven't been reading you all along I'll never know.
Excellent post! Frankly, I'd like to pee on some GOPer's

Anonymous said...

Such language! J.D. salinger smiles at you from above!

Dad E said...

I am thinking retards, here.