Friday, December 07, 2007

And to the republic for which it stands, one nation, under Canada

So yesterday Romney, the dog-torturing Mormon, took his shot at a JFK moment.

I was expecting him to be evasive about the kookier side of Mormonism, and he did not disappoint on that count. He said, no doubt in response to those people who have been asking him “You think Jesus actually lived in America? WTF, dude?” that he does not want to be subjected to a “religious test,” and that “no candidate should be the spokesman for his faith.”

Especially if your faith is…ah…how shall we say…oh, yeah. Crazy.

Okay, okay, I’m not saying he shouldn’t be free to practice his religion. He absolutely should be, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone. And he’s right to point out that religious freedom is without a doubt one of the greatest things about this country.


I am free to evaluate and judge the mental acumen of anyone running for public office. And of course I have made peace with the fact that every four years I have to vote for a world leader who believes that, if you screw up this world, you get a second chance in the next. But you know what I cannot make peace with? Anyone who believes that a woman cannot enter that next world without a man. It’s like the Mormons think that heaven is some kind of nightclub, and without that man on the inside to tell St. Peter that you’re cool, a woman would have to stand behind the velvet rope for all eternity.

So why should I respect a religion that regards me as the Tara Reid of the afterlife?

Maybe the Mittmeister has some answers:

Freedom requires religion just as religion requires freedom. Freedom opens the windows of the soul so that man can discover his most profound beliefs and commune with God. Freedom and religion endure together, or perish alone.

Oh, really?

Freedom requires religion? Why not just buy the founding fathers some skeleton-sized rotisseries, Mittski, so that they can spin in their graves unencumbered?

It is important to recognize that while differences in theology exist between the churches in America, we share a common creed of moral convictions. And where the affairs of our nation are concerned, it's usually a sound rule to focus on the latter -- on the great moral principles that urge us all on a common course. Whether it was the cause of abolition, or civil rights, or the right to life itself, no movement of conscience can succeed in America that cannot speak to the convictions of religious people.

Because if you’re not religious, you have no convictions, or if you do, they don’t count. Not because they’re not the same convictions that religious people have, but because YOU’RE not religious. The problem is you, get it?

We separate church and state affairs in this country, and for good reason. No religion should dictate to the state nor should the state interfere with the free practice of religion.

Okay, so he’s doing good so far with this argument, but I sense a bomb about to explode…

But in recent years, the notion of the separation of church and state has been taken by some well beyond its original meaning. They seek to remove from the public domain any acknowledgment of God. Religion is seen as merely a private affair with no place in public life. It is as if they are intent on establishing a new religion in America -- the religion of secularism. They are wrong.

Jesus Christ on a crutch, Mitt, WHO THE FUCK IS “THEY”?

Talk about a fucking time bomb. Kids, you have just glimpsed the future - if Romney becomes the nominee, and, “God” forbid, president. You have just gazed into the crystal ball and seen 8 more years of crazy, Jesus-infused paranoia, and fear, and politics that must divide in order to succeed. I’m not one easily given to phrases like “mark my words,” but MARK MY FUCKING WORDS.

And in case you’re not yet convinced, kids:

We should acknowledge the Creator as did the Founders -- in ceremony and word. He should remain on our currency, in our pledge, in the teaching of our history, and during the holiday season, nativity scenes and menorahs should be welcome in our public places.

Well, I’m sure everyone who has fought to maintain religious freedom in this country really appreciates you reducing their arguments to nativity scenes and menorahs on the court house lawn. Way to take the high road, Mittski.

Our greatness would not long endure without judges who respect the foundation of faith upon which our constitution rests. I will take care to separate the affairs of government from any religion, but I will not separate us from "the God who gave us liberty."

Our constitution rests on a foundation of faith? Really? Because the constitution says, and (unlike you) I quote: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.”

Seems pretty clear cut to me, Mittens. But perhaps my mind has been clouded by rational, non-magical thinking. In any event, I’ll give you the last word:

Americans acknowledge that liberty is a gift of God, not an indulgence of government.

Okay, I take it back. I get the last word. Look, Mittenator, you can believe that liberty springs from the head of Zeus, or is sprinkled upon us by an omniscient Tom Cruise in a tu-tu for all I care. But don’t play word games with me and hint that those who are not religious believe that liberty is an “indulgence of government.” Believe it or not, you fucking hypocritical piece of shit, an oath is a serious thing to me, and the one overriding purpose of our government is to keep our people free, and the most serious oath in this world or the next is the oath that a public servant takes to dedicate themselves to upholding the purpose of this government.

Something tells me you are not the man for that job.


RandyLuvsPaiste said...

Poor Mitt.

It must suck being a Mormon in the party of religious bigotry.

dad said...

I am trying to dissociate my feelings about Mitty's more-crazier-than-normal religion and what I see in the man.

I have been to Salt Lake City a few times and its easy to see young Mormons ruuning around with their exceeding clean cut looks. I find the atmosphere very creepy. Then there's the HBO show "Big Love" that shows both the good side and darker side of people who are Mormons. The dark side is very scarey dark indeed and its not just all TV melodrama.

Having carefully considered the man, I will add two words to your description, VTT. He is a hypocritical, PANDERING, SMARMY piece of shit.

Larry Jones said...

The neocons have screwed the GOP, at least for 2008. Romney and the other candidates will be lucky if their moms vote for them. So while this is a joy to read, Vikki, it's cruel of you to pile on these poor chumps.

On the other hand, the corporate media has eliminated all the Dems except the two least likely to win in November. Hey - how about we all get together and give California's delegates to John Edwards? Then things would be interesting.

Distributorcap said...


you said it better than i could have --- this is ONE fucking scary dude -- and not because of his religion but due to his religion (and i dont mean Mormonism. i mean Mitt religion).

I agree with you, Mormonism treats women like dirt, then again so does a lot of other religions (like orthodox Judaism) --- and for reasons like that I am atheist (and therefore unable to participate in american society acc'd to Mitt).

But Mitt is scarier than that --- he is friggin Elmer Gantry.

his words (you wrote)Freedom requires religion just as religion requires freedom. Freedom opens the windows of the soul so that man can discover his most profound beliefs and commune with God. Freedom and religion endure together, or perish alone.

remind me SO much of these words
“Arbeit Macht Frei”

which means work makes you free -- and where are these words located one asks? -- why they are on the entrance gate to Auschwitz

Mitt is great piece of shit

Anonymous said...

"Tara Reid of the afterlife"? Bwahaaaahaa. Girl, you've been on fire lately!

Grant Miller said...

Just a thought, but I think Romney might have been pandering to particular audience.

dguzman said...

Well done, Vik! This guy wouldn't know what conviction is if hit him in the ass. He's nothing but a pandering, lying, power-hungry asshole who's just trying to kiss the ass of as many religious wackos as possible. I'm so sick of these Jesus freaks trying to pretend they have anything to offer this country except more insanity.

SkylersDad said...

"Why not just buy the founding fathers some skeleton-sized rotisseries, Mittski, so that they can spin in their graves unencumbered?"

Might just be the best political comment I have heard - anywhere!

kiki said...

south park's episode about mormonism is probably the funniest 20 minutes you will ever experience

vikkitikkitavi said...

Randy: I find it interesting that Massachusetts voters are more willing to vote for a Mormon that Iowans are, if you believe the polls. Hey Iowans, Mormons are conservative, what's the problem?

Dad: One thing I find positive about Mormon culture, from my own personal experience, is that a very strong and positive father and son bond is common. Daughters, however, do not fare as well. They may start out with ambition, but the pressure to marry is so strong, that most of the ones I've known succumb and marry before they're out of college. A lot of them dropped out of school immediately after. And then, no matter how much they may say they do not want to have kids yet, their families (especially the husband's family) will just keep up the pressure until she is pregnant. I have known young women whose relatives give them bad information about their own bodies and birth control, just to trick them into getting pregnant sooner. It makes me want to vomit.

Larry: You have entirely too much faith in the electorate.

DC: You know, if he were a Mormon who talked about how religious creeds need to adapt and change with the times, then I wouldn't have a problem with it. I understand that for many people, your religion is your tradition more than your exact belief system. But if you're going to use religion in order to suppress others, then you'd better be prepared to account for yourself.

Kirby: That one was just for you, baby.

Grant: Is Romney ever not pandering? But I think clearly a national audience was expected to follow this much-hyped speech.

DGuz: What I'm afraid of is that it's becoming a self-fulfilling prophesy. The more the country goes to shit, the more people turn to right-wing Jesus whores. The more people turn to right-wing Jesus whores, the more the country goes to shit.

SkyDad: Thanks, it's hard to find a new angle on the whole grave spinning joke, so I appreciate the props.

Kiki: Except for the episode about Scientology, of course.

kiki said...

you hear they're close to banning scientology in germany?

very smart people those germans...

Jess said...

Americans acknowledge that liberty is a gift of God, not an indulgence of government."

So, what? The reason that all of the various countries aren't not "free" is because god decided not to gift them with liberty (and it has nothing to do with their governments)?

God sounds like an asshole!

I'm changing the quote to: "Americans acknowledge that God is kind of an asshole. But, like, believe in him anyway 'n junk."

vikkitikkitavi said...

Kiki: Yeah, the Germans are a little touchy about cults. Go figure.

Jess: I don't know if god's an asshole, but he's definitely an underachiever.

Creepy said...


"Because if you’re not religious, you have no convictions..." I have a co-worker who is a Jehovah's Witness. He firmly believes that -- if you're not a devout Christian you can't have morals. He always asks, "Without the Bible how do you know what is right or wrong?" He doesn't understand the concept of conscience.

Doc said...

The stance of politics in this country falls under God, the flag, and children, and it has always been. The rotten thing is that it will never change. Blame it on the "electoral college", not a group of learned men (or women) as the name implies, but those rich enough to get the job. We've been screwed, for the most part, ever since. Popular vote doesn't count for shit in a handbag as long as the wealthy control who gets elected, and even then, it is only the wealthy who can afford to run for office. Could you go to your boss and ask for a four year sabatical and not have him laugh in your face? Can you afford to spend millions on ads? Can you afford to travel the nation and make speeches out of your own pocket? Can you hire a staff that demands current market wages? I believe that if I had Vikkitikkitavi as my running mate I could set this country on track, but I make less than eight dollars an hour at my present job, so there is no way I could lead this country. We test our children to death, yet we can't work out a test to bring our canidates to say what they really stand for? We have been misguided for too long. Let us do it right once, and elect someone who stands for us, and not those who pour more money than we could ever earn in a lifetime into the campaign of a fool.


deadspot said...

If the afterlife were really like a nightclub, wouldn't women get in free?

Madam Z said...

I am SO glad I discovered your blog, Vikki! Your writing about religion and religion in politics is exactly what I wish I had written. I love your style and wit. For example, I agree with skylersdad that: "Why not just buy the founding fathers some skeleton-sized rotisseries, Mittski, so that they can spin in their graves unencumbered?' Might just be the best political comment I have heard - anywhere!"

As a diehard atheist, one of the things I like best about blogging is that most of the people I read are also atheists! It feels so good to know I'm not alone.