This is a serious post about John Edwards, and not just an excuse to show this totally hot college football pic

Oh, my lord.

Is it any wonder that our presidential campaigns are, in terms of integrity, like a notch below reality TV? Man, look at what the press is writing about. The Washington Post, THE FREAKING WASHINGTON POST, is doing these really silly little “profiles” of the candidates.

What that really means is that they assign one reporter to make fun of the way the candidate speaks, one to make fun of the way they dress, one to come up with bitchy little “Facts you didn’t know” and so on.

Tuesday’s target was John Edwards. And yes, don’t you worry, there are hair jokes aplenty.

Readers, I can’t even bear to discuss with you the column wherein a Robin Givhan cracks wise about Edwards’s wardrobe. Check it out only if you have a strong stomach and an even stronger will to survive, because after only a couple of sentences, the temptation to kill yourself will be powerful.

Here, I’ll give you just a teeny tiny little taste of its heinousness, but seriously, do not read the following if you have entertained thoughts of suicide in the last six months, or have experienced a depression lasting more than one day: “He pairs his faded jeans with sport jackets in that baby-boomer way, rather than a metrosexual way.”

Yeah. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

But, like I said, there’s really very little point in criticizing tripe like that, even if it is appearing in a newspaper generally respected around the world.

Hey readers, even I get tired of shooting fish in a barrel.

On the other hand, when a famous columnist like Dana Milbank takes aim at Edwards, one is forced to sort of pay attention. Because, well, other people sort of do as well.

In case you haven’t figured out what the RNC-dictated media script is on Edwards this campaign, he’s “the millionaire who pretends to care about poor people.”

Yeah, it kinds sounds like the script against Kerry in ’04, but hey, if it ain’t broke, right?

But let’s get to the Milbank version of the script:

"What America needs right now is America needs a fighter," says the candidate, who was a trial lawyer and a Democratic senator from North Carolina. "Let me tell you why we need a fighter. There's a wall around Washington, and we need to take that wall down. The American people are on the outside, and on the other side -- on the inside -- are the powerful, the well-connected and the very wealthy."

Sounds like a bit of class warfare -- coming from a man with a 28,000-square-foot house, $30 million in assets and a $400 haircut.

"This is not class warfare," he continues. "This is the truth."

Okay, a couple of points:

1. RE: the haircut. He was in LOS ANGELES. You cannot get a stylist to come to your hotel room and cut your hair for less than $400, people. But take a look at Dana Milbank and tell me whether you think this man has ever paid more than 20 bucks for a haircut in his life.

2. Re-read the quote from Edwards he uses at the beginning. Is there ONE SINGLE WORD OF IT that is not true, and more importantly, is not desperately in need of saying?

3. Should we not commend a man who has amassed some personal wealth (about 1/10 the wealth Mitt Romney has amassed, BTW) and who has centered his campaign for president around the plight of the poor and those others who are getting screwed by the Beltway?

4. What the fuck is wrong with class warfare? This is charge frequently leveled at Democrats by Republicans (and soon thereafter, the media) and yet no one really ever explains what is so horrifying about admitting the fucking truth about this country, which is that MONEY WINS. THE END.

Milbank:

Still, we know that Edwards means what he says. We know this because he says everything loudly, shouting from beginning to end as he denounces the "rigged" system in Washington.

Although I understand, Dana, that you are probably directly quoting Edwards when you use the word “rigged,” I also understand that there is a definite hint of air-quote-y-ness going on as well. You’re being sarcastic, and I’m not sure why that is, because isn’t the system in Washington rigged? With no air quotes? Isn’t it rigged? I think it is rigged, Dana. And I think you know it’s rigged. And so I’m not sure what your fucking sarcastic little point is when you say that a rich man cares that it’s rigged in favor of people like him.

Milbank:

For further evidence of sincerity, he swaps his trademark smile for a pained squint when he speaks about the "disappointment" of the parents who have no money for their children's college, and he shakes his fist when he demands removal of the "wall."

Wow. I wonder if Edwards also closes his eyes when he “sleeps,” and opens his mouth to “eat.” What a phony.

Look, readers, I can’t even stand to go over the rest of it with you. Go check it out if you want, or, better yet, don’t. I’ll be here, waiting for some coverage of Edwards that isn’t a complete load of disingenuous bullshit.

Because Edwards is a serious candidate. And he would make a good president. A better president, I think, than either Obama or Clinton. Joe Biden would be a good president, too. So would Chris Dodd, for that matter.

There. I said it.