Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Oh, God! Book III


Some would say that God is clearly punishing Georgia with floods of Biblical proportion. The question, I guess, is why? When presuming to know the mind of God, it’s important to get your facts straight, otherwise you might, for example, jump to the conclusion that God hates fags.

We now know this to be false. God doesn’t hate gay people. He hates people who hate gay people. Actually, God might be a total fag hag, although the evidence on this is not yet in. We’ll have to see what kind of weather He dishes up for Maine this winter.

Personally, I don’t think Georgia is being punished. That would be cruel. I think what’s happening is that Georgia is experiencing what President Obama would call a “teachable moment,” and no, I’m not talking about its 2004 referendum to bring back the Confederate flag.

That Georgia’s two Republican senators are opposing health care reform is not a stunning revelation to anyone, even to those north of the Mason-Dixon. However, a few people on both sides were perhaps mildly surprised when Senator Saxby Chambliss warned Obama that he should address the joint session of Congress “with humility,” even though, according to Chambliss, “that’s not his inclination.”

Uppity negro-esque comments aside, or, on second thought, perhaps not aside, Georgians seem to like Chambliss, and his chances of reelection are good. He’s a tough campaigner! What other candidate with a deferment from serving in Vietnam would dare to compare his rival, a wounded Vietnam vet - a triple amputee, no less – to Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden in a campaign ad? That takes balls, my friends, and Saxby Chambliss has them in no short supply.

You know what else takes balls? Joining the other Republican Senator from Georgia to vociferously oppose Obama’s stimulus plan, then arranging for a healthy portion of the funds to go to your own constituents.

To say nothing of the two senators’ recent pleas to our president to declare Georgia a federal disaster area, thus enabling the state to access federal funds and resources for rescue and clean-up.

Of course I would never, ever, deny my brothers and sisters in the great state of Georgia any help that they needed. We are, after all, one nation, and we fought hard to keep it that way. At least, my side did.

What I would suggest to Georgia, is that when they watch the news, and they see the victims of the floods of their state being sheltered & comforted with my tax dollars, that they stop and consider that we are all in this together, and that doesn’t mean that we’re socialists. And if they were fortunate enough to have purchased the flood insurance available to them that is subsidized with my tax dollars, then maybe they should also consider that what we do for property, we should do for people.

13 comments:

Dad E said...

This has a nice feel to it. Perhaps, some will calm down with the anger if they accept aid from what they consider a socialist program. For this to be true, these people would have to have a brain. Is there any way I can hedge my bet?

SJ said...

All I can think is... holy shit, is that The Scream Machine at Six Flags Over Georgia? Holy shit! (love that wooden coaster.)

You are right though. Yes, let the government give aid to car lots and amusement parks after floods, but god forbid, they try to help the uninsured with medicine. Or surgery.

Michael said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

God doesn't hate Georgia. However, he does love human misery.

RandyLuvsPaiste said...

"What I would suggest to Georgia, is that when they watch the news, and they see the victims of the floods of their state being sheltered & comforted with my tax dollars, that they stop and consider that we are all in this together, and that doesn’t mean that we’re socialists. "

Fat chance, but a lovely sentiment nonetheless.

bubbles said...

Ya know, Vikki, it seems that the right understands pain when they feel pain. The left feels the pain when there is pain - no matter who is feeling it.

This makes me crazy! WTF?

SkylersDad said...

In the glass half full category today, the drought in the south east is over!

Marshall Park Slope said...

Bravo, Brilliant! my vocabulary is too limited to continue to read all of this genius and post something worthy. Keep killing it Vikki!

Grant Miller said...

God hates roller coasters.

GETkristiLOVE said...

Like Colbert said, let's force insurance on things that matter... like automobiles.

Liberality said...

Those republicans congresscritters and their supporters are all for any aid that benefits them but against any aid that might benefit anyone else. This is called being a selfish hypocrite and they have that in spades too.

Doc said...

"We are, after all, one nation, and we fought hard to keep it that way. At least, my side did."

Priceless!

Doc

kittens not kids said...

maybe georgia is just remembering the good ole days when people WERE property, and the only colored folks in the white house were the maids and butler.

sigh.

sometimes, i think we should have just let the south go instead of fighting for it.