Monday, April 26, 2010

¡Atienda, usted dumbass gabachos conservadores!


Latino activists have been using re-fried beans to smear swastikas on the windows of the Arizona state capitol building to demonstrate that in terms of fascism, extending healthcare benefits to the poor, and reining in corporate greed, really can’t hold a candle to enabling the police to detain anyone, at will, and demand proof of citizenship before being released. I mean, weren’t you paying attention during any of those World War 2 movies I know y’all love to watch? At the very least, you must remember that having one’s papers in order was a very big deal every week on Hogan’s Heroes, right?

Sooooo….maybe you should stop complaining about Latinos, because they seem to have a better understanding of history, government, and, um, what words mean, than you do.

They’re also funnier than you - admit it. I mean, you guys didn’t even know what teabagging meant - you had to have the media explain it to you. Whereas Latinos employed refried beans, a substance that A) they love, B) looks alarmingly like shit, and C) has been used against them via pejorative stereotypes for decades! It’s the perfect medium for their political statement, and what’s more, there’s none of that pesky sniggering over unintended gay-adjacent innuendo.

You’ve been outplayed, dumbasses, and if you had the sense god gave a gander, you’d slink back home and think about what’s really making you mad, and stop pretending it has anything to do with how much money the government spends.

And speaking of fascists, as a special bonus to those right-wing dumbasses out there who also happen to be Catholic, I challenge you to go home and also think really hard about this bureaucratic demi-god you’ve got lounging about in Vatican City. Are you aware that he’s basically hiding child molesters, and those that covered up the crimes of child-molesters, behind the drapes in the Basilica? Doesn’t that…bother you at all? Are you going to try to oust him, ever, or do you intend to give your highest spiritual leader on earth the kind of free pass you wouldn’t give to a grade school principal?

Also, Catholics: no more making fun of Scientologists, or Mormons, or any other sect in the Pantheon of Preposterous Beliefs. You’re officially ridiculous now, so sign over the great art and buildings and fade into history, already, wouldja? Thanks.

10 comments:

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

What would we do without you to cut through the bullshit for us?

SkylersDad said...

I love everything about this except the Hogans Heroes reference.

Mentioning the teabaggers and that show together is kind of an insult to the intelligence of Sgt. Schultz, isn't it?

Little Merry Sunshine said...

Brilliant. Simply brilliant.

Red said...

Catholics aren't going anywhere. And it's unlikely we'll try to oust the pope - there's no precedent for that sort of thing. Though Maureen Dowd has been hammering away at this and I say, "You go, girl." Catholics don't think, or vote, it lockstep, even if we often pray in unison. But the church goes through tough times, embarrassing leaders, periods we ought to be (and on good days are) ashamed of. For all the corruption of some of the men who run the joint, people keep coming back, and more people keep joining. God isn't corrupt, even if plenty of his would-be minions are.

Yes, the teabagging reference is hilarious.

Anonymous said...

Fran's going to be very unhappy when she sees this slur against Catholics.

vikkitikkitavi said...

Oh, Anonymous, why don't you try just observing and not commenting for a while until you get the hang of this thing?

vikkitikkitavi said...

Hey loyal readers, I'm linked on Crooks and Liars! Woo hoo!

http://crooksandliars.com/mike-finnigan/mikes-blog-roundup-484

kirby said...

Ha!, the bean thing is awesome, I hadn't heard about it until now.

Congrats on the linky thing, too. In the future, when you're busy doing guest commentary on Maddow, remember all us little folks, will ya?

GETkristiLOVE said...

That's so freaking awesome! (The link on c &l).

dguzman said...

Congrats on the recognition of your stone-cold bad-assedness!