Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Chapter 45: In which 99% of the blogger's readers decide that they've had enough

Sometimes, I smoke. And not just when I’m on fire. I mean, sometimes, I like to smoke cigarettes. I like it. To tell you the truth, it gives me an insane amount of pleasure.

And all I hear about is what a pain in the ass that is for everyone else.

Well, I’m also a vegetarian, right? I don’t eat animal flesh. (And yes, that even includes the flesh of fishie-type animals.) But you don’t hear me ragging on all my meat-eating friends, you know?

Vegetarians live an average of four to eight years longer than flesh-eaters, but you don’t hear me saying “How can you EAT that hamburger? You know every one of those takes 10 minutes off your life.”


“When they cook meat in the house, that awful smell gets in my clothes and my hair.”


“Eating the flesh off an animal’s bones – it’s such a filthy habit.”

Seriously, I was at lunch a couple of weeks ago with some friends, and one of them is chewing on a rib, a cow’s rib bone, and she’s sucking the flesh off this rib bone, and gnawing on it to make sure she’s getting it all and ugh, I’m the one with the nasty habit??

And don’t come at me with that lame-ass “second hand smoke” bullshit. I’ll agree that people shouldn’t be forced to work in a closed smoky environment. But how come the meat-eaters never want to talk about how dangerous their little habit is to me? I mean, do you know what effect the cultivation of animals for meat has on the environment?

To say nothing of the nasty nasty business of meat processing and what it does to the people who work in it.

Look I’ll make you a deal. You show me a tobacco processing plant where minimum wage workers are being mangled to death by big cigarette-making machines, and I swear I’ll quit that minute. But until then why don’t y’all think about giving up the meat, man, and smoking a cigarette. You’ll live longer.


dad said...


RandyLuvsPaiste said...

What about us smokeless vegetarians?

I know you're gonna say "loud drumming offends people too", right?

Bro said...

So your on the side of big tobacco? It's okay to dispense an addictive product that kills people and you have a right to inflict that smoke on others because to do otherwise would be "lame-ass"? Keep your carcinogens to yourself please, and also take care of your self. A very dear friend just had part of a lung removed and she never did anything wrong more than smoke some cigarettes.

How do you feel about lead paint? We should have the right to use it at home and in public. I don't give a rats ass that some other neighbor's kids decided to imbibe it and get brain damage, what a lame ass reason for me not to enjoy a good paint now and then.

Treat a few thousand patients and you start to divide them into two groups, the innocent and those that did it to themselves. You don't start out meaning to, but you do. Cigarette smokers are mostly innocent until they "share" their addiction with those that don't even take the time to smoke. They also loose some of that innocence when given a choice given knowledge. Declaring your right to do something dangerous takes you clean out of the innocent column.

Picture the call that says you have a spot on your lungs.

Smoking causes lung and other cancers. Get good insurance, (please don't raise my rates too much) keep it away from my child.

SJ said...

Almost every night I dream that I still smoke. Shit, god, I miss smoking. I also like yummy, yummy ribs.

Phil said...

People just love to get selective when deciding what causes them harm.

Skylers Dad said...

I heard that saliva caused stomach cancer, but only if taken in small amounts over a long period of time...

Seriously tho, I lost both of my parents to smoking. Please take care of yourself, the world is a much more interesting place with you in it.

Chris said...

I agree with your premise and that people are far too judgmental of other people's vices. That said, it would be hard for me to feel good about supporting tobacco companies by buying their products knowing how evil they are. You'll say "Yeah, they're evil, but so are a lot of other corporations." Absolutely. That's why I stopped supporting soft drink companies and fast food. Is that all I could do? Not even close, but it's a start.

But yeah, stop the hypocrisy everyone!

vikkitikkitavi said...

Hey, bro, no, I absolutely am not on the side of big tobacco.

My point, which I attempted to make somewhat satrically, is only that people are very very willing to get up on their high horses about what they think is wrong as long as it's also something they personally don't like (smoking), but not so willing to examine how they are damaging others when it is something they DO like (eating meat). That's all.

david said...


Here's my advice: get out your camera and go to the places that smokers are being exiled to. It'll be a whole "Walker Evans meets the Marlboro man" thing. People, here in Chicago, getting hypothermia on fire escapes and by trash chutes, just to squeeze in a puff or two. The photos will make you plenty of money to buy smokes and lobby your cause.

Jess said...

I hope you saw "Thank You For Smoking" starring my hero Aaron Eckhart. If not, RENT IT! SO good!

Chris said...

No, I didn't think you were siding with big tobacco. That would've shocked the hell out of me. I give you more credit than that.

Megan said...

As both an occasional smoker and a vegetarian, I totally got your point.

Smoking isn't good for you and we shouldn't do it. Eating meat isn't good for you or the planet or the problem of world hunger (plus there's the whole cruelty issue) and we shouldn't do it. But I don't preach at people about what I perceive to be their vices, so it irritates me when they preach at me about mine.

See? I hear ya, girl!

SV said...

I promise to never eat crab in your presence again! Sorry!

Anonymous said...

Second hand smoke makes people sick and kills them. Never heard of anyone dying from second hand meat.

vikkitikkitavi said...

David: Actually, I'm going to propose no-meating sections in restaurants and workplaces. Because I deeply offended by the smell of meat, and I don't think I should have to be exposed to it.

Jess: It's currently #79 in my queue. I will move it up on your recommendation.

Chris: Actually, I was talking to Bro. Sorry for the confusion.

Megan: 'Zackly. I would never make the argument that it's not good for me. That would be moronic, obviously. Just saying that people get extremely self-righteous over SOME people's vices, while at the same time shoving theirs in your face.

SV: Actually, crabs are a total menace and should be wiped out.

Anonymous: Welcome, meat-eater, and I mean that. I totally tolerate your kind here, and I want you to know that I do not blame you for the idiocy of your point. I blame those carcinogens that you are taking into your body every day. They are clouding your judgement. I understand, because my carcinogens are totally fucking with me, too. But welcome.

Grant Miller said...

You are my blogging hero.

vikkitikkitavi said...

No, you're MY blogging hero.

Beth said...

Bravo! Although I do ingest meat and rarely smoke, I'm tired of other folks getting in our faces. And now I'm off to honor you by going outside for a ciggie ...