Tuesday, January 08, 2008

The Kristol ball - updated!

Holy fucking shit, I am just so fucking happy that the NYTimes has installed William Kristol on their op-ed page in time for the ‘08 election.

I’m not being sarcastic!

I figure I can go and read Kristol’s columns, and then just like George in “The Opposite” episode of Seinfeld, know that we should, as a nation, do exactly the opposite of what Kristol thinks we should do.

If you’re unfamiliar with the unfailing wrongitude of Kristol, check out this awesome Tom Tomorrow cartoon, which, as usual, sums up the matter quite nicely in just a few frames.

So what choice bit of bizarro-world wisdom did Kristol have for us yesterday as he contemplated the possibility of a liberal Democrat winning in November?

“We don’t want to increase the scope of the nanny state, we don’t want to undo the good done by the appointments of John Roberts and Samuel Alito to the Supreme Court, and we really don’t want to snatch defeat out of the jaws of victory in Iraq.”

See what I mean? That old “jaws of victory” chestnut! You can’t make up shit like that.

It’s an interesting strategy that BushCo and his hard-core cronies like Madame Kristol have attempted to foist onto the American public: that if you never define the goals of the game, and never leave the field of play, then you can claim yourself to be on the cusp of victory ad infinitum.

Or at least until a Democrat takes office in January of 2009, at which point Nostradamus Kristol and the like will no doubt begin chronicling the many ways in which we are losing in Iraq.

Regarding his invocation of the “nanny state”…it’s touching, isn’t it, when the filthy rich, who can afford whatever trifles their cold, mean little hearts desire, explain to the hoi polloi that healthcare, equal education, and workplace protections are the legislative equivalent of having the hired help wipe your bum for you?

Not that I doubt Kristol as an expert on hired help, I’m sure he’s had his bummed wiped for him plenty of times, I just think that it’s one thing to deny a crust of bread to a starving man, and quite another to tell that man that such mean sustenance is actually Beluga caviar.

And don’t get me started on the “good” done by Roberts and Alito, who, most recently, could not see their way to clear to outlawing a method of prisoner execution so unreliable and possibly tortuous that the American Veterinary Association refuses to use it on animals.

So I think you can all plainly see that, if we are to succeed as a nation, we must elect a president that will care for the people, appoint actual human beings to the Supreme Court, and get the fuck out of Iraq.

How you interpret the above direction, is up to you.


This week's cover of The Weekly Standard, a magazine edited by none other than William Kristol:

Like I said, you can't make this shit up.


Distributorcap said...

i will thank kristol for one thing -- i am saving $11.50 a week since i can cancelled my subscription.

kristol is everything that is wrong with 'journalism' -- and if the NYT sees it fit to have his voice as the voice of dissention -- then i see it to have my voice as the voice of rejection -- of the entire paper

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

This is the Vikki I've missed so much, welcome back.

Larry Jones said...

Corporate media has no credibility. They stumble on the truth every now and then, but mostly they obscure it, in the interests of huge parent companies. It'll be fun to read Kristol -- as it always has been -- but sad to realize that many will think it is in some way connected to reality.

RandyLuvsPaiste said...

PLEASE tell me how douche-tards like him get to stay employed (Jonah Goldberg too).

Chris said...

If you ever watch him on TV, with his big Cheshire grin, you get the sense that this guy really loves to lie. It's an enjoyable activity for him.

vikkitikkitavi said...

DCap: I understand that the NYT needs to keep its circulation up, but are people really going to read the paper just to see what Kristol is saying? Kristol is everywhere. He's on tv constantly. We already know what he thinks.

Dr.MVM: You missed me? Aw.

LJ: Today I saw some story about the media questioning whether they messed up in New Hampshire by saying that Hillary was toast to early. I had to laugh, because such a question is a drop in the bucket.

Randy: I would tell you if I knew.

Chris: I know! Few people inspire such a desire in me to reach into the television and plant my fist right in the middle of that smug, self-satisfied grin.

Grant Miller said...

That cover is a perfect ending to the post. How this guy got a column in any newspaper is amazing.

dguzman said...

It's a testament to the awesome power of corporate/repub-controlled media that morons like Kristol (and Limbaugh and Coulter and Malkin and...) have jobs.

And I've missed you too, during your long illness. Now stay healthy, chickie! We need ya.

GETkristiLOVE said...

In the bizarro world, fueled by your recent overdose of ANTM, I expected you to say that Clinton photo was fierce.

vikkitikkitavi said...

Grant: I'm thinking maybe it's a legacy thing, you know, like W getting into Yale?

DGuz: Kristol, as part of the PNAC and other well-conected think tanks, is worse than MSM. He's the shadow government.

Kristi: Well, as long as you're asking, that photo is so NOT fierce. Hillary has amputee arm, she needs to elongate her neck, and her eyes look dead. Don't even get me started on Bill.

Coaster Punchman said...

I think they should replace Gail Collins with Maureen Dowd as Op-Ed editor, and install you as a columnist. Then of course you'd have to give back your Drysdale award.

vikkitikkitavi said...

And Maureen Dowd would be my boss?

Um, thanks but no thanks.

Doc said...

But couln't they give you the job of Op-Ed editor, and you still get your own column? That would be win-win, right? Anything you write is a thousand times better than the claptrap this bonehead is spewing.