Monday, April 21, 2008

Born to run?


While Bruce Springsteen’s endorsement of Barack Obama was at first considered to be a campaign coup for the embattled Democratic candidate, subsequent scrutiny of the Oscar-winning singer/songwriter have revealed a number of troublesome opinions and positions, not the least of which is his characterization of the working-class people of New Jersey as “tramps” with “no place left to hide” who cling to their “hemi-powered drones” and “suicide machines.”

He has also insulted lower- and higher-income Americans alike with his assertions that “poor man wanna be rich, rich man wanna be king” and that America’s factory workers are dangerously bitter and unbalanced, stating that they “walk through these gates with death in their eyes.”

He has even gone so far as to criticize the troops, stating that while our Vietnam War enemies, the Vietcong, are “still there,” our veterans of that war are “all gone.”

Even the institution of Christianity is not safe from attack, as is clear from Springsteen’s charge that “God’s drifting in heaven,” and that the “Devil’s in the mailbox.” Clearly he means to intimate that the Christian God is a flip-flopper, while Satan is as accessible as the latest offer from Publisher’s Clearinghouse. Many Christians have also objected to the endorsement of premarital sex and birth control implicit in his statement that “Bobby said he’d pull out, Bobby stayed in,” and also that the resulting child, born out of wedlock, “wasn’t any sin.”

Indeed, not unlike the candidate he is endorsing, many have speculated that Springsteen may have at one time been a practicing Muslim, perhaps even a member of Al-Qaida, as witnessed by references to a “dry and troubled country” beneath “Allah’s blessed rain,” which administration intelligence sources have, under condition of anonymity, conjectured may lie in the mountainous Tora-Bora region of Afghanistan. While collusion with anti-American militants may seem unlikely for a man of Springsteen’s fame and stature, Clinton campaign staffers have sent out emails reminding voters that Springsteen is the same man who once asked an accomplice to “pick up a little dynamite,” while he would “pick up a little gun.” While it’s not clear what his plan to “make that highway run” would have accomplished, his choice of co-conspirator, an otherwise unknown young woman named Rosalita, makes clear that his feelings regarding illegal immigration are not in keeping with the majority of the American public’s.

14 comments:

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Oh sweet jeebus, if I didn't love you before this post I sure as hell do now. Way to go woman, you are truly a genius.

Dad E said...

"Born in the USA"

kiki said...

if this shit keeps happening, Obama will end up all by himself Dancin' in the Dark

Johnny Yen said...

I'm glad for the endorsement, but please tell me that Bruce didn't tell Obama to "strap your hand 'cross my engines..."

Larry Jones said...

Is this the eastern warlord who likes to be known as "the Boss"?

Cap'n Ergo Jinglebollocks said...

Well, with an endorsement like THAT, Obama's sho' to win.

Seriously, who th' hell CARES about endorsements??

SkylersDad said...

And Obama supporters everywhere suddenly want to know "Who's Mary".

Grant Miller said...

Red, White and Blue - these colors were born to not run.

Madam Z said...

You are too clever by half, Ms. Tavi.

GETkristiLOVE said...

I don't get it.

Oh right, those are probably song quotes from that guy.. what's his name, Bruce?

vikkitikkitavi said...

Dr. MVM: Thank you, I prefer "evil genius."

DadE: "Born in the USA" to you, too.

Kiki: Dude, you had all of the Springsteen canon, and that's what you came up with?

JohnnyY: To say nothing of wrapping his legs 'cross those velvet rims.

Larry: Warlord? All-Powerful Lord of Rock you mean.

Cpt. EJB: The media cares, clearly. How else do you beat a candidate down?

SkyDad: Tough to say which Springsteen song you are referencing, since about 9 thousand of them are about Mary.

Grant: Thanks, Grant. Great slogan. And by the way, I wouldn't go looking for a job in an ad agency anytime soon.

Mme.Z: That's right, I'm about half as clever as I think I am.

GKL: Right, and Mellencamp's endorsement would make the front page of Yahoo news, for sure.

GETkristiLOVE said...

I hope if Mellencamp endorses Obama, I have just as many lyrics up my sleeve.

dguzman said...

Baby, YOU were born to run! Come on! "Asshole with a blog" in 2008!

dguzman said...

Baby, YOU were born to run! Come on! "Asshole with a blog" in 2008!