Monday, January 12, 2009

Jai ho! Golden Globes!

The Golden Globes are too business-like and efficient to truly ridicule; y'all will have to wait for the deliciousness of the Oscars® for the full-on snark.

HOWEVER, a few thoughts:

1. Slumdog Millionaire is the best movie I have seen in a long time, and any award that the foreign press and/or the toadies at the Academy seek to bestow upon it is well-deserved. What I'm wondering is, will the Academy of MPA&S throw it into the "foreign film" category just because there is some subtitle-age, thereby leaving the best picture category open for more conventional Hollywood tripe like "Benjamin Button" aka "Brad Pitt Really Wants That Oscar It Has Been a Long Time Since Twelve Monkeys, Yo." So if you haven't seen Slumdog - go. The premise/framing device is really great, and just about the time you're getting kinda tired of the device, they drop it and just set the story loose. And I love how they heightened the realism without turning the movie into an exercise in magical brown people. Plus, the acting is great, and geez, I even like the soundtrack, and I normally HATE Indian music (and world music in general) with the burning heat of thousand white-hot suns. So, all that, plus the Indian Regis Philbin. Awesome.

2. 30 Rock brings teh funny, but the ratings are not so good. And I have noticed that every smart friend of mine who "meh"s the show is a dude. What's up wit that? Are they not down with the non-glam female lead, or are they perhaps just disciples of The Hitch and his theory that possession of ovaries = not funny? Whatever. Big ups to the show for all the wins and to my friend Jack McBrayer who should be nominated next time, huh?

3. Ricky Gervais is the new Sasha Baron Cohen. Unfortunately, Sasha demonstrated last night that we have no need for the old one. All I got to say is, Bruno better be funny.

4. In the categories where actors who play real people were nominated for Golden Globes, they won 5-2. Well, actually, 5-1, because I don't think you can really count Jonathan Rhys Meyers as Henry VIII.

Here's Meyers as Henry VII:

Hey, Jonathan, a dancer on a float in the 1998 West Hollywood Gay Pride Parade called. He wants his pants back.

And here's King Henry VIII

Yeah, I think Meyers might have gone a little overboard with the ab definition. Also, his sword is bigger.

Yeah, that's what she said. And by "she," I mean his fourth wife, the German-born Anne of Cleves, whose strategic marriage to Henry secured an alliance against Charles V.

Anyway...I seem to have strayed a bit from my original point, which is, that outside of a Holocaust movie, playing a real person, especially if that person is mentally retarded, physically disabled, or just not feeling very well, is really the best way to win an award. And if you play a real person in the Holocaust, then you can only be beat by someone who...well... died tragically just before the voting began, I guess.

5. Mickey Rourke. Do not care. Didn't care about his first train wreck, and do not care about the second one that's clearly headed his way. The guy's a drug-addled peacock with SAG card, and his skillz are not all that. Seriously, name me one movie since "Pope of Greenwich Village" in which Rourke was impressive. And if Eric Roberts doesn't get to skate for a quarter of a century on an Eric Roberts vehicle, then neither does he.

And don't say "Barfly," either, because first of all, anyone looks cool portraying Bukowski, and secondly, see that actress over in the corner there, the one who can play something besides drunken bemusement? That's Faye Dunaway, and she just stole the movie from him.

And also, Mickey, I don't care if you are buddies with Bruce Springsteen and you love your dogs, man, don't trash talk your competition. Sean Penn doesn't hate homos, okay? Shut up and keep your head down and you may get another chance to have a career in film. Lord knows there are tons of mediocre actors with bad face lifts who are pretty sure they can stay off the stuff who are dying to take your place.

6. Colin Farrell won best actor in a film musical or comedy for In Bruges?? Really?? Colin, see my comments for Mickey Rourke above, and for chrissake, stay away from the collagen.


GETkristiLOVE said...

Yeah, Jack is great in 30 Rock, love him! The guests appearances by Oprah and Jennifer Aniston were pretty funny too.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I have nothing against the women of 30 Rock. I just don't think the show is funny.

JP said...

This dude certainly does not 'Meh' 30 Rock and watches it primarily for the non-glam-thousand-white-hot -suns-hottness and comedy stylings of Tina Fey. Baldwin is pretty awesome too.

And Jack McBrayer? He's the show's secret weapon. He must have a blast playing Kenneth.

Distributorcap said...

30 rock is all inside jokes - that is why all of us at work watch - and so typical hollywood - inside the belt jokes...

as for mickey rourke - he is the male version of demi moore -- and i loved your description

vikkitikkitavi said...

GKL: Did you watch the video I linked to? Pretty funny. He said he accidently hit Mariah Carey in the face with a frisbee while they were filming.

Dr.MVM: I don't get it. That show is HILARIOUS.

JP: Yay! I knew I could count on you!

DC: Do you remember that awful, pompous Aaron Sorkin show that was also based on SNL? 30 Rock pretty much also works as a spoof of that show as well.

Michael said...

1. Slumdog's so hot I'd even fuck it with Barfly's framing device.

2. You probably just don't know many dumb chicks. They don't like 30 Rock either.

3. I got, Ali G was it? on your say-so and had no clue. Borat, about 5 minutes' funnier than Yakov Smirnoff. Enjoyed him very much in Talledega Nights though. Do not know what Americans see in Gervais, or why Gervais thinks they find him funny.

4. Snort.

5. Dude, did you see his fucking face? Hoooooly shit! Tomei deserves a nomination just for hiding her recoil. JEEsus Christ what happened to that guy?

6. What's the difference anyway between Colin Farrell, Greg Kinnear, something Ruffalo...meh, you finish the list. Did the ad people for Nestle's International Coffees do career-launching groundbreaking calendar of soppy men who will pretend the catbox in their girlfriend's bedroom doesn't reek?

vikkitikkitavi said...

1. Just wear a rubber, Dude.

2. Yeah, but who cares?

3. You're insane. Have you seen Gervais's HBO special? FUNNY.

5. You know you've gotten a bad facelift when your sideburns disappear, as Rourke's did. The doctor actually cut off the skin with the sideburns on it.

6. Spoken like a man who has never seen the Colin Farrell sex tape.

Michael said...

3. Hm, maybe I do need cable.

6. Mm, maybe not so much. Any interest I had in instant/constant replay died with Joe Theismann, Rob Lowe, and Marion Berry.

Spooney said...

I think Tina, Baldwin & Jack are all great on 30 rock, but Tracy Morgan has always just cracked my ass up.

Spooney said...

I think Tina, Baldwin & Jack are all great on 30 rock, but Tracy Morgan has always just cracked my ass up.

Michael said...

Spooney, yes!! McBrayer had me when he played a waiter in Arrested Development. And I do love Kinnith, but Tracy Morgan pwns that show for me. The day my son looks at the blank screen and yells, "Television, on! Pornography!" I will well up, and call it a purpose-fulfilled life.

Anonymous said...

Magical brown people? Hey, that's me!

If I were Marisa Tomei, I'd have used my contract rider to insist on a full body condom before shooting any scenes with Rourke. Ewww.

Anonymous said...

Vikk, I love me some 30 Rock. And MC has approved my crush on Tina Fey so its alllll goooood...dont know what up with the male gender...another crusher post though! see you in 4 weeks! that's right, we are both coming this time! Marshall

Dad E said...

Loved Slumdog and Bruges. Bruges is an excellent flick and Colin Farrell had me believing his character was stupid and psychotic. Was he acting or being Farrell? Ralph Fiennes' character was really psychotic which increased the believability that Farrell was also.

My film group has assigned "Doubt" which has two great actors but I am leery of watching a story about two sexually repressed people that teach sexual repression. What I know about these types is that there own sexual repression is accompanied by some distorted sexual attraction which either gets acted out or projected onto others, then condemned. Pretty unhealthy shit.

coffee said...

i didn't think Mickey Rourke would ever show up in public again, then there he was, winning big at the Golden Globes

dguzman said...

I just want to watch the Oscars with you, man. That's my wish.

travelingman said...

"Hey, Jonathan, a dancer on a float in the 1998 West Hollywood Gay Pride Parade called. He wants his pants back." that line had me snorting coffee outta my nose, my computer is not happy. Too funny.