Friday, September 14, 2007

"Shut up," he explained.


So Giuliani’s campaign took out an attack ad against Hilary Clinton in which he says “These times call for statesmanship, not politicians spewing political venom.”

It gets better.

In the ad, which seeks to create a non-existent alignment between Clinton and the left-wing political group MoveOn.org, Giuliani accuses the Democrats who questioned Petraeus of an “orchestrated attack.”

I’m not kidding.

In defending the ad, in which Giuliani characterizes Clinton’s remarks to Petraeus in the Senate as a “character attack,” Giuliani said "I can't imagine why we can't get beyond maligning other people's motives nowadays in politics."

This shit is not from The Onion. I swear it is for real.

Meanwhile, I would just like to say to Clinton that telling General Petraeus that his progress report on the Iraq war required a “willing suspension of disbelief” is not really all that effective as a criticism. Because Americans ARE ALL ABOUT the willing suspension of disbelief, baby. C’mon, our politicians talk about tv characters like they’re for real. They’ve been doing it for years!

Not only that, but a significant portion of us actually buy into theories such as “fighting them over there, so we don’t have to fight them here,” as if, in defiance of our own use of the pronoun “them,” we actually thought there was only one of them, and that one was unable to move beyond certain geographical boundaries as long as we kept driving through the place in Humvees.

And to MoveOn.org, I would just like to say: stop it with the “General Betray Us.” Not because you shouldn’t malign a member of the armed forces, because I think they’re as fair game as the rest of us, and not because I think Petraeus is particularly steeped in integrity, because, seriously now, how can you have exactly the same optimistic assessment of Iraq three years ago that you have now and have it NOT be a pose, but because, well, it’s just a really bad pun. And I hate puns. I hate even good puns.

I take it back. There are no good puns.

Furthermore, if you really want to smack down the Petraeus, or any other military official who sells his soul to his commander-in-chief, may I suggest a different insult?

You could call it “pulling a Colin.”

I know. Ouch. But desperate times call for desperate measures.

8 comments:

kirby said...

Petraeus puns? How about the caller on Stephanie Miller this morning who said Petraeus was just a whiter shade of Powell. I wish I'd thought of that.

Jess said...

Seriously, what the fuck is UP with this guy? In one of those articles you linked to he (Giuliani) said:

"That's really an extraordinary statement, as someone who lived through the attack of Sept. 11, that we invited the attack because we were attacking Iraq. I don't think I have ever heard that before and I have heard some pretty absurd explanations for Sept. 11. I would ask the congressman withdraw that comment and tell us that he didn't really mean that."

Really? You've never heard that theory before? Really? What the fuck... do you live under a rock, Rudy?! You think it's "absurd" that a country that we BOMBED might be, oh I don't know, kinda PISSED about it and want revenge? You're right... that's just CRAZY talk! (well, actually it sorta is since Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11, but I don't think that's what he meant)

Don't even get me started on the hilarity of his taking an advertisement out assassinating the characters of people because he's pissed at them for engaging in "character assassination".

What is he, 10?

I hope he's the next nominee, too, Vikki! It'll be amusing if nothing else. I'll just be kinda scared if it's him against Clinton.

dad said...

The ad would have been much more effective if it had said "General Petraeus, do not betray us."

The reader would automatically fill in the alliteration.

Republican candidates are appealing to their pro Bush base by hawking the war to get their party's nomination. How can this possibly work in the general election? This tactic will be the undoing of the Republican party, unless of course, the American public and the media start sucking their thumb (again).

Skylers Dad said...

You need to move fast on copywriting "Pullin a Colin" because I smell big money in bumper stickers!

dad said...

The ad would have been much more effective if it had said "General Petraeus, do not betray us."

The reader would automatically fill in the alliteration.

Republican candidates are appealing to their pro Bush base by hawking the war to get their party's nomination. How can this possibly work in the general election? This tactic will be the undoing of the Republican party, unless of course, the American public and the media start sucking their thumb (again).

GETkristiLOVE said...

Wait, you hate puns?

It's funny that Qualye will always be remembered for his issues with a TV character (Murphy Brown) and for mistakenly correcting the spelling of the word potato.

Are you sure this stuff isn't from The Onion?! It's outrageous.

Grant Miller said...

Giuliani will not be the Republican nominee. I can almost guarantee it.

dguzman said...

Would that I could believe Grant's right, and that Rudy Jewels won't be "elected" king....

Thank you for pointing out the fact that they've been shoveling this same shit for three years, an no one seems to notice. Just like no one questioned the fact that Petraeus kept talking about the gains of the last 8 weeks, as though the war just friggin' started. We've been there for four years. Don't tell me about the last two months, you ass. Connect the dots, moron--we've LOST.