This is a revolution dammit! We're going to have to offend SOMEBODY!

Last night I finally got around to watching the first two TiVoed episodes of the John Adams biography miniseries that aired on HBO. Very good. If you don’t have HBO, definitely watch for it on DVD.

I thought Paul Giamatti was excellent, and so I was puzzled by this review of the series in the NYTimes, which criticizes the casting of Giamatti, saying that his range is limited, and with his “cuddly, rubbery looks,” he is more evocative of Shrek than our 2^nd president.

The reviewer, Alessandra Stanley, holds up the admittedly short but exceedingly preppy/patrician William Daniels, who played Adams in the stage and movie versions of the musical “1776,” as the actor most successful at capturing the essence of the politician that his most famous biographer described as “high-spirited and affectionate, vain, cranky, impetuous, self-absorbed and fiercely stubborn.”

Okaaaaay.

Look, Alessandra, sweetie. Let me assure you, I love me some “1776.” I really do. My parents had the cast album, and I know all the songs by heart. By. Heart. I wanted to be Abigail Adams. My dad was in a local production of the musical. I memorized one of Adams’s speeches from the script and performed what was basically a bad William Daniels impression at a drama club event. I thought I was the shit, too. You know I did.

In fact, I will even admit to crushing on William Daniels just a little bit. Hey, what do you want? Even at that age, I was a politics geek.

But sweetie. You cannot. You can NOT seriously call upon Daniels as the quintessential Adams while also eschewing Giamatti as being too unlike the real John Adams. First of all, because, “1776” was A FREAKING BROADWAY MUSICAL VERSION OF HISTORY.

And secondly, because here is a picture of William Daniels (front) playing John Adams:

Hm. Still cute. My girl crush is still flickering, although less enthusiastically now, probably because of watching him in the 80s play second fiddle to that mustache with a SAG card.

Here is Giamatti playing John Adams:

Ew. Schlubby.

And here, folks, is the real John freakin’ Adams:

Now, which one of these things is not like the other? If you guessed the guy with the mailbox full of talking car residuals, you have a fine eye and are probably not qualified to wax incomprehensible in the pages of the NYTimes.

I suspect Ms. Stanley is guilty, although I’m sure a reviewer for the "paper of record" would insist otherwise, of romanticizing our founding fathers.

She’s not alone.

When Samuel Adams Beer first came out, the portrait of him on the front of the bottle at least vaguely resembled Sam Adams. I couldn’t find a picture of the old label, but here’s a picture of Sam Adams:

Now, thanks to the Boston Brewing Company, Sam Adams looks more like Liam Neeson:

Ah, remember the good old days, when politicians didn’t have to be devastatingly handsome? I’m sorry, I mean Democratic politicians. The Republicans, of course, still welcome all comers.
I guess there must be something about being a miserly old killjoy that fucks with one’s looks.

It’s just a theory.