Tuesday, March 11, 2008


Why do they do it?

Eliot Spitzer was the new Eliot Ness, the untouchable DA turned Governor who was going to clean up Albany, who was going to sweep Wall Street clean, who was going to re-write the corrupt and broke-down political history of New York. Eliot Spitzer was predicted to be the first Jewish President.

Now that’s all gone.

Bill Clinton, one of the brightest and most engaged leaders this country ever had, squandered his legacy on the D.C. version of a groupie.

And JFK. And RFK. And that’s just Democrats we like.

Bush Sr. risked it all to keep his mistress close to him. McCain paid enough attention to his favorite lobbyist that his aides started ditching her at events. Reagan apparently didn’t mess around, at least not so anyone noticed, but then, he called his wife “mother,” so I think we can safely say there were other issues at work.

And what about MLK? Would it taint his legacy if we knew him to be a moral hypocrite, which I assume is what you call a preacher who cheats on his wife?

In other words, why do they have to be so damn human?

Power begets sexiness, my friends, at least for the mens. Even ugly-ass Kissinger enjoyed the perks enough to pronounce power the “ultimate aphrodisiac,” which is pretty much what it would have to be with him. Blech.

Yes, our leaders are all too human. They all are.

Even Obama.

Look, friends, I appreciate your enthusiasm for one candidate over another, believe me I do, but if you don’t mind, I would like to get a couple of things straight between us:

1. Hillary, if elected, would make a fine president. She is smart and capable and willing to bust ass.

2. Obama would also make a fine president. He has a powerful vision, and the determination to see that vision through.

They’re both human. They’re both dirty. They’ve both voted for some stinko legislation in the name of political expediency. And both of their campaigns have leaked some nasty shit about the other.

Can we please not pretend otherwise?

Don’t idolize Obama, my friends. Your heart will only get broken when you find out dirt like, oh, that some guy who wanted political favors did a little sweetheart real-estate deal for him.

See? It hurts, doesn’t it? You feel your heart growing just a tad bit colder toward him, don’t you? You take it personally. And if you ever found out, for instance, that Obama had done what Spitzer did, it would devastate you.

That’s because you believe in political unicorns. Pure, unsullied creatures that act only out of motivation for others, never for themselves. They feel no lust, or greed, or hatred. They have never done anything shameful when they thought no one was looking. Ever. And you believe in them, you continue to believe in them, even though you are not a unicorn, and no one you know is a unicorn, and you’ve never known anyone to be a unicorn. Never. No one has ever turned out to be one, and yet you still think they’re out there.

But they don’t exist. They don’t exist. And the sooner you stop believing in them, the better.


Grant Miller said...

Politicians are a notch below prostitutes anyways.

Dave said...

Wait! Whoa! You're suggesting that a Chicago politician has a murky political past?
I like that Obama doesn't always adhere to the prescribed stagecraft that is usually required in a run for President.
That makes him more likable to me. I reject the portrayal of Obama supporters as idolizing.
Wish I could write more but I gotta go chase down the kids.
Love reading your blog.

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

I hear you... And, I hear what you're saying about "political unicorns," but we're talking about a Governor. Shouldn't we in fact have higher expectations of our top leaders?

A little corruption, nepotism, graft ... hey, that's to be expected of any politician, I suppose. But connections to a prostitution ring? Come on...

RandyLuvsPaiste said...

I'd be happy if they just stopped dragging their wives onto the podium when they announce their shit. See how clinically depressed Silda Spitzer looks. Why do they do that?

GETkristiLOVE said...

I don't believe in political unicorns, at least not anymore. But I'm pretty sure that political pots o' gold do exist.

cheer34 said...

magic happens when you believe.

Elliot got caught thats all. All politicians are dirty in some way, as all human beings are. Some just have grandiose faults, so when they get caught it is spectacular. Elliot could have been a president, his ego got the best of him tho. To bad it wasn't that ass Bruno.

Anonymous said...

John Steinbeck said of his good friend Ed Ricketts, he had all the faults of his virtues. That goes for all of us, and it goes double for politicians, I suppose.

Dad E said...

Legalize prostitution!

Jess said...

I second dad! It's bullshit that we're allowing the government to tell us what to do with our own bodies.

'Bubbles' said...

I think sometimes people work hard, become over achievers, and sacrifice a great deal to sort of prove to themselves that they are 'somebody'. Then they become consumed in being 'somebody' and feel deserving and invincible. Like you say - human.

The people that look down their noses at the flawed are the ones that sicken me.

Know what would really make me sick? What if Hilary was caught doing something as 'sinful' as any of these men? No, it wouldn't be Hilary's actions that would make me sick. Not at all. It would be the treatment any 'sinful' actions on a woman's part would be treated as compared to a man. The double standard on women's behavior hasn't even begun to be shown in society - mostly because women haven't had the power long enough or often enough.

SJ said...

'political unicorns' that's an awesome descriptor and I agree wholeheartedly that people want to find them, think they exist. I've always heard talk of MLK and white women in hotels... no pot of gold there either.

Red said...

8-9 years ago, I was working for a Continuing Legal Ed company and then-AG Spitzer spoke on a program for us. I later worked for the bastards in banking, and I applaud his whole "Sheriff of Wall Street" thing. I've been a fan of his for a long time. I don't feel betrayed or anything; I don't believe in unicorns. However, I'm sad for his wife, his daughters, and the people of New York. He would have kept on doing good things.

vikkitikkitavi said...

Grant: Well, at least you make a distinction.

Dave: Of course, not all Obama supporters idolize him. However, when Obama supporters start tearing down Hillary not because of her positions, but because they believe her to be corrupt, then I think they are straying into the land of make-believe. Not because she's not corrupt to some extent, but because they all are corrupt to some extent. I read more than one opinion piece bringing up Whitewater and such - are you fucking kidding me? First of all, there was a bit of an investigation over that deal, and the only person who was ever found to have acted illegally was the guy Starr gave immunity to. Secondly, ahem, REAL ESTATE SCANDAL? Obama supporters better keep their throwing stones in their pockets on that one.

BlowGas: No, I absolutely think we should require that leaders adhere to the laws that they prosecute others for violating. I would never suggest otherwise. Spitzer absolutely deserves to lose his office. What I object to is some people's naive assertions that their candidate could have risen to the level of U.S. Senator without ever doing or receiving favors that were not, as we say, in the public interest.

Randy: I know. Talk about insult to injury.

GKL: You're not the only one who believes in political pots of gold, and the political elves who guard them. Just ask a Kucinich supporter.

Cheer34: Yeah, you know when the pundits invoke Oedipus when referring to your fall from grace, that you done got a little too big for your britches.

Kirby: I just hope that, whatever my faults, Nick Nolte doesn't play me in the movie.

DadE & Jess: I agree. But it will never happen in this nation founded by Puritans. It's like the government giving away needles to addicts. It doesn't matter how many lives it saves. We would never agree to it.

Bubbles: Absolutely right. It's quite a standard that Hillary is being held to, and it irritates me to watch it in play. The bottom line on Hillary is that people hated her right off that bat, and they hated her because she was a woman who didn't know her place. That feeling didn't just go away in the last eight years. It's still there.

SJ: Maybe the question is, will we allow anyone to ask us to aspire to a standard that the person asking cannot claim to have reached? Do you have to be Gandhi to ask people to sacrifice and behave?

Red: Hey, thanks for reading and commenting. You know, I admired Spitzer's work as well, and when I heard that they cheered on the floor of the NYSE when the scandal was made public, it made me want to vomit. Fucking Wall Street bastards. We all want the people who represent our political ideals to also represent our personal ideals. But that, it seems, is a recipe for cynicism and inaction.

dguzman said...

Powerful post, Vik.

Cap'n Ergo Jinglebollocks said...


Madam Z said...

But Vikki, they ARE unicorns! That's why they are so HORNY!