Dancing with the fella what brung ya

You know, I think putting together a well-written and cohesive post about the veep debate last night would be like trying to diagram one of Sarah Palin’s sentences. I’m just not up to the task. I thought I would, though, throw out some random thoughts:

-When the first words out to her mouth were “Nice to meet ya, can I call you Joe?” I thought, uh-oh, here we go. She’s going to try to force him to call her Sarah, something his handlers have told him not to do. He’s supposed to refer to her only as “Governor Palin,” to show respect. But then she ended up letting him call her that all night, while she called him “Joe.” So, that’s kinda rude. If I asked to call someone by their first name, I would definitely extend the same offer to them. Whatevs.

-By the way, did you notice how the microphones picked up her voice during that exchange, even though they weren’t miked and they weren’t at the podiums yet? Lord, she has a loud voice.

-The Mat-Su Valley, where she’s from in Alaska, was supposedly settled by transplants from Minnesota. Which explains why she sounds like she’s in a bad “Prairie Home Companion” sketch.

-Palin: When McCain said the fundamentals of the economy are strong, he meant that the American workers are awesome! Also apple pie and puppies! Hockey mom! 6 six-pack!

-Palin: I may not answer the questions the way you want me to, or at all, because to tell ya the truth, it is darn hard keeping all these index cards straight! You know, I have about 10 different cards just for code words I’m supposed to use when I talk about minorities. Here’s one: personal responsibility! That’s a good one! Here’s how ya use that one, according to those guys that coached me there: home buyers need to take more personal responsibility and not buy houses that they can’t afford. See! Wasn’t that good?

-Palin said “I’m not one to attribute every activity of man to global climate change,” and it’s not the first time she’s said it exactly that way, either. I so wanted her to do that Willie Wonka thing and say “Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it.”

-Did she actually correct Biden (who said “Drill, drill, drill!”)on the “Drill, baby, drill!” chant? She did. She corrected him. Because in a vice presidential debate, it’s so important to be precise when quoting the scary meatheaded rantings of fanatical mobs.

-Biden is just a refute meister, isn’t he? Refute! Refute! Refute! Good for him.

Palin: I HAVE GAY FRIENDS!

Biden: Sorry, Democrats, but if we say we’re for gay marriage, we’re sunk.

Palin: I THINK SOME OF THEM MIGHT HAVE A CRUSH ON ME!

Biden: We will, however, gay people, do our best to protect you from the Christians.

Palin: GAYS LIKE ME BECAUSE I’M SO CUTE! DID I SHOW YOU HOW I WINK YET?

-Does anyone care about this whole “meeting evil world leaders without preconditions” deal? Anyone? Seriously, is the McCain camp really trying to hang their Obama-no-good-at-foreign-policy hat on that?

-I guess someone forgot to write the word “nuclear” out phonetically on Palin’s index cards.

Biden: SPAIN! BOO-YAH!

Palin forbids anyone from judging McCain on his past actions. Because that’s not what mavericks do.

-Palin: 2^nd Holocaust! They told me to say that!

-I’m loving the statistic that Biden repeated about how 3 weeks of war in Iraq equals everything we’ve spent so far in Afghanistan.

Palin: It’s so obvious that I’m a Washington outsider! Maverick! Soccer mom! Wait, hockey mom! I meant hockey mom!

Palin asserts that we “need a little bit of Wasilla,” the meth capital of Alaska, in Washington. Which, you know, is awesome, because I am dying to see some tweaker vs. crackhead action on the streets of our nation’s capital.

Palin: I’m just going to say the word “maverick” until my time is up on this one, Gwen. Maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick….

Palin said that “John McCain knows how to win a war” like that is a verifiable statement. Wait a minute, does she think we won Vietnam?

Palin: Say it ain’t so, Joe! There you go again! Where’s the Beef? Tastes Great! Less Filling!

Palin’s cute and folksy “shout” to the 3^rd graders is so obviously scripted within an inch of its life. I feel like I’m watching Romper Room.

Biden needs to stop speaking of his deep and abiding love for John McCain , I mean, unless he WANTS to hear Chris Mathews’s old “Brokeback Mountain” jokes.

Palin: Is it too weird if I say “Drill in ANWAR!” and then wink? Will people think I might mean something dirty?

-I have to say that when Biden almost choked up, it really moved me. I was not expecting him to address the whole mommy-worship of Palin in such a personal way:

But the notion that somehow, because I'm a man, I don't know what it's like to raise two kids alone, I don't know what it's like to have a child you're not sure is going to -- is going to make it -- I understand.

I understand, as well as, with all due respect, the governor or anybody else, what it's like for those people sitting around that kitchen table. And guess what? They're looking for help. They're looking for help. They're not looking for more of the same.

-The hello, Freud? moment of the evening came when Palin said about McCain, “he is the man we need to leave – lead in these next four years”

-When Palin said she would like to expand the legislative powers of the vice president, I thought I heard the sound of a hundred pundit’s heads exploding all at once.

-The debate is over, and the families come onstage. WHY ISN’T THAT BABY IN BED?

-Are they seriously going to drag that poor baby in front of the camera every time there’s a national audience? The cameraman can’t help but keep cutting to Palin with the baby in her arms. It’s obviously a planned photo op. To which I say, hey, if you want to bombard the American public with images of the veep candidate mothering an infant, then you deserve whatever that strategy brings down upon your head. You better be real sure of those yokels you’re trying to appeal to, lady. Real damn sure.