Friday, October 03, 2008

Dancing with the fella what brung ya



You know, I think putting together a well-written and cohesive post about the veep debate last night would be like trying to diagram one of Sarah Palin’s sentences. I’m just not up to the task. I thought I would, though, throw out some random thoughts:

-When the first words out to her mouth were “Nice to meet ya, can I call you Joe?” I thought, uh-oh, here we go. She’s going to try to force him to call her Sarah, something his handlers have told him not to do. He’s supposed to refer to her only as “Governor Palin,” to show respect. But then she ended up letting him call her that all night, while she called him “Joe.” So, that’s kinda rude. If I asked to call someone by their first name, I would definitely extend the same offer to them. Whatevs.

-By the way, did you notice how the microphones picked up her voice during that exchange, even though they weren’t miked and they weren’t at the podiums yet? Lord, she has a loud voice.

-The Mat-Su Valley, where she’s from in Alaska, was supposedly settled by transplants from Minnesota. Which explains why she sounds like she’s in a bad “Prairie Home Companion” sketch.

-Palin: When McCain said the fundamentals of the economy are strong, he meant that the American workers are awesome! Also apple pie and puppies! Hockey mom! 6 six-pack!

-Palin: I may not answer the questions the way you want me to, or at all, because to tell ya the truth, it is darn hard keeping all these index cards straight! You know, I have about 10 different cards just for code words I’m supposed to use when I talk about minorities. Here’s one: personal responsibility! That’s a good one! Here’s how ya use that one, according to those guys that coached me there: home buyers need to take more personal responsibility and not buy houses that they can’t afford. See! Wasn’t that good?

-Palin said “I’m not one to attribute every activity of man to global climate change,” and it’s not the first time she’s said it exactly that way, either. I so wanted her to do that Willie Wonka thing and say “Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it.”

-Did she actually correct Biden (who said “Drill, drill, drill!”)on the “Drill, baby, drill!” chant? She did. She corrected him. Because in a vice presidential debate, it’s so important to be precise when quoting the scary meatheaded rantings of fanatical mobs.

-Biden is just a refute meister, isn’t he? Refute! Refute! Refute! Good for him.

Palin: I HAVE GAY FRIENDS!

Biden: Sorry, Democrats, but if we say we’re for gay marriage, we’re sunk.

Palin: I THINK SOME OF THEM MIGHT HAVE A CRUSH ON ME!

Biden: We will, however, gay people, do our best to protect you from the Christians.

Palin: GAYS LIKE ME BECAUSE I’M SO CUTE! DID I SHOW YOU HOW I WINK YET?

-Does anyone care about this whole “meeting evil world leaders without preconditions” deal? Anyone? Seriously, is the McCain camp really trying to hang their Obama-no-good-at-foreign-policy hat on that?

-I guess someone forgot to write the word “nuclear” out phonetically on Palin’s index cards.

Biden: SPAIN! BOO-YAH!

Palin forbids anyone from judging McCain on his past actions. Because that’s not what mavericks do.

-Palin: 2nd Holocaust! They told me to say that!

-I’m loving the statistic that Biden repeated about how 3 weeks of war in Iraq equals everything we’ve spent so far in Afghanistan.

Palin: It’s so obvious that I’m a Washington outsider! Maverick! Soccer mom! Wait, hockey mom! I meant hockey mom!

Palin asserts that we “need a little bit of Wasilla,” the meth capital of Alaska, in Washington. Which, you know, is awesome, because I am dying to see some tweaker vs. crackhead action on the streets of our nation’s capital.

Palin: I’m just going to say the word “maverick” until my time is up on this one, Gwen. Maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick maverick….

Palin said that “John McCain knows how to win a war” like that is a verifiable statement. Wait a minute, does she think we won Vietnam?

Palin: Say it ain’t so, Joe! There you go again! Where’s the Beef? Tastes Great! Less Filling!

Palin’s cute and folksy “shout” to the 3rd graders is so obviously scripted within an inch of its life. I feel like I’m watching Romper Room.

Biden needs to stop speaking of his deep and abiding love for John McCain , I mean, unless he WANTS to hear Chris Mathews’s old “Brokeback Mountain” jokes.

Palin: Is it too weird if I say “Drill in ANWAR!” and then wink? Will people think I might mean something dirty?

-I have to say that when Biden almost choked up, it really moved me. I was not expecting him to address the whole mommy-worship of Palin in such a personal way:

But the notion that somehow, because I'm a man, I don't know what it's like to raise two kids alone, I don't know what it's like to have a child you're not sure is going to -- is going to make it -- I understand.

I understand, as well as, with all due respect, the governor or anybody else, what it's like for those people sitting around that kitchen table. And guess what? They're looking for help. They're looking for help. They're not looking for more of the same.

-The hello, Freud? moment of the evening came when Palin said about McCain, “he is the man we need to leave – lead in these next four years”

-When Palin said she would like to expand the legislative powers of the vice president, I thought I heard the sound of a hundred pundit’s heads exploding all at once.

-The debate is over, and the families come onstage. WHY ISN’T THAT BABY IN BED?

-Are they seriously going to drag that poor baby in front of the camera every time there’s a national audience? The cameraman can’t help but keep cutting to Palin with the baby in her arms. It’s obviously a planned photo op. To which I say, hey, if you want to bombard the American public with images of the veep candidate mothering an infant, then you deserve whatever that strategy brings down upon your head. You better be real sure of those yokels you’re trying to appeal to, lady. Real damn sure.

13 comments:

kirby said...

Nice catch on that Freud moment. Following on the heels as it does of her making a reference to a Palin/McCain administration, I'd say Sour Johnny better watch his wrinkled ass.

Matt said...

Vikki, this was great. You have a wonderful sense of humor. I don't think you pointed out anything I hadn't read somewhere else but your blog is the first place I actually laughed out loud.

And yes, that poor child is going to be a prop for the next 34 days and that is just sick.

Peace.

Matt
www.idealcrap.com

Dad E said...

McCain positions and his decision to chose Palin are all calculated to win the election, naturally. He was disparate when he chose Palin and now he has to lie about how much she is helping. Let's see how fast she will disappear from being newsworthy.

Bubs said...

Heh. Nice summary.

I missed the 10 minutes or so of debate that came after the first wink because I freaked out. I ran through the house alerting my daughters that I'd just been winked at, then called my mom to confirm I'd actually seen it.

mary catherine said...

About 10 minutes before the debate started, my heart started racing, my hands were shaking, i felt queasy and a general sense of foreboding, ray bradbury-style. it's gotten progressively worse since. (she wants less government, less regulation and to EXPAND the powers of the vice-president??? the republicans are the underdogs???? etc etc etc etc.)

we're looking into real estate overseas. who's in?

at least you make it funny, vikki :)

Distributorcap said...

interesting to see what she is doing 3 days afterwards -- she has this "new found confidence" and she is using and abusing it to no end -- calling obama everything short of a terrorist

i simplhy loathe this piece of shit woman - maybe even more than bush

Jess said...

What kills me is that I thought I watched a debate where Palin totally crashed & burned. I had to hug a pillow through the first half of the debate. It was awesome. Then I turn on the news and hear all about how "GREAT" she did?!?!

?!?!?!?!?!

Doc said...

I'm just curious, what other potential candidates did they rule out before they picked her?

I tried really hard to sit through the debate but I had to chicken out after about ten minutes. It was just too much B.S. for me, though Flannery said it was the zenith of reality tv, and she would know.

Doc

deadspot said...

I thought she was great in Baby Mama.

Grant Miller said...

Sounds about right.

dguzman said...

Delicious coverage of the "debate," Vik. And I too was watching her signal anxiously to her brood to come up on stage with her--"HELLO I'M A BREEDER! NOT GAY! TOTALLY FUCKABLE!"--and I just shook my head in disgust.

ReggaeVibrations_WTJU said...

thank god for Tina Fey.

scott (singlelensreflex.vox.com)

Red said...

Palin is using the unofficial Republican pronunciation of "nuclear" - she said it the way Pres. Bush always has. Except once I thought she actually said it correctly, when Gwen had said it recently.

When Biden said, "If that's the way you're going to count it (or something like that), then John McCain has voted to raise taxes 400 times," I totally could have made out with him.