Friday, October 24, 2008

Now you’ve gone too far. You’ve upset Tim Gunn.

Proposition eight, on the November 4th ballot in my state, will basically rewrite the our constitution to take away the right of gay people to form unions that are recognized as matrimony in the eyes of the state of California. Make no mistake, ANY form of “civil union” might hereafter be challenged as unconstitutional under state law if this proposition passes.

Prop 8 has been gaining electoral ground in the state recently, thanks to the efforts of the bigoted minions of – guess who?

The Mormons.

I’m trying to think of a greater force for evil in the United States right now than the Mormon Church, and I’m coming up empty, readers. Sure, there are still pockets of the Klan, and skinheads and such, but they don’t have the financial backing of 12 million tithing motherfuckers worldwide like the LDS does.

Because it’s not just local LDS temples that are organizing. Their whole operation is being run at the highest levels of church leadership in Salt Lake City:

Members of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles, the second-highest church governing body, explained their plan to pass the ballot initiative. They asked each California congregation to commit 30 volunteers to donate four hours a week to Proposition 8. They also urged young people to use technology -- such as social networks, text messaging, and blogging -- to spread the word.

And that’s not all. LDS dollars now constitute 77% of Yes on Prop 8 funds. Not since the 1970s, when the Mormons were instrumental in defeating the Equal Rights Amendment, has church leadership been so intent in denying one sector of the population of this country the very rights that they themselves enjoy.

Here’s some typical propaganda that Mormon volunteers have been passing out in malls and church parking lots. It’s called “Six Consequences if Prop 8 Fails,” and believe me, this shit is right out of the anti-ERA women-and-men-will-have-to-use-the-same-public-restrooms playbook from the ‘70s:

1. Public Schools will teach that homosexuality and same-sex marriage are normal and acceptable-and if you disagree, you are a bigot. Books like "Heather has Two Mommies" or "Daddy's Wedding" will be used to teach kindergartners about homosexual relationships. When parents in Boston complained about an eighth-grade teacher instructing students about gay sex, the teacher responded, "Give me a break. It's legal now."

First of all, you are a bigot, so you might as well get used to being called one. Secondly, the teacher in question was teaching SEX EDUCATION, so yes, part of what she was teaching was gay sex education. Gay sex is a kind of sex, you know, no matter how tightly you shut your eyes and wish otherwise.

2. Churches will be required to perform homosexual marriage ceremonies or face prosecution under anti-discrimination laws. The California Supreme Court recently ruled that medical professionals may not defer treatment to another professional based on their religious objections. In other words, Christians and those with moral beliefs must check their conscience at the door when they arrive at work. The same case law will apply to churches. Pastors will no longer be allowed to refuse marrying homosexuals based on their religious beliefs.

Churches are not subject to anti-discrimination laws, you silly motherfuckers. Can Catholics sue a Jewish temple for not admitting them as members? No. See how that works? See how easy? As for medical professionals – exactly what kind of treatment are you proposing that they deny to gay people? And how does refusing to “first, do no harm” constitute “checking their conscience”? Goddamn, you are some fucking cold motherfuckers. And you don’t understand that doctors are not churches, either, so you’re fairly stupid as well.

3. Businesses will be prosecuted for not participating in homosexual ceremonies. A New Mexico photography company is being prosecuted for refusing to photograph the "commitment ceremony" of a homosexual couple. The full force of the government will be used to make citizens publicly accept homosexuality.

Well, you’ve got me there, businesses that discriminate against a portion of the lawful citizenry of the United States might be fined (not prosecuted), as the company you mention was. You know what else businesses might be forced to do? Allow black people to sit at luncheon counters. I know, we’re just asking for trouble, aren’t we?

4. Married couples will no longer be considered "bride and groom," but "Party A and Party B." A young couple in Placer County wrote the terms "bride" and "groom" on their marriage license, which was returned from the state as an "unacceptable alteration." A husband and wife are legally referred to now as Party A and Party B according to the California government. By redefining marriage, every marriage has already been affected.

Wow, you know, your self-esteem seems very dependent upon how you’re referred to on a California state marriage application form. Are you seeing someone about that?

5. The role of parents will be diminished. The family unit is already under assault with no-fault divorce, acceptance of single parenthood, and nanny government usurping the role of fathers. Homosexual marriage worsens this trend by giving government approval to single-sex parenting. Children need both a mother and a father. By approving homosexual marriage, government and society denies children their right and need for both parents.

So, your premise is that Christians are very concerned about children growing up in stable marriages? Then Christians should have a very low divorce rate! Let’s look at the divorce rates per capita (leaving out Nevada for, um, obvious reasons). We’ll start with the highest rate of divorce, and work our way down to the lowest, shall we?

1. Arkansas

2. Oklahoma

3. Tennessee

4. Wyoming

5. Indiana

6. Alabama

7. Idaho

Oops, this is awkward. Is it just me, or are we sensing a trend? Well, why don’t we just look to see which state has the lowest divorce rate, then. I’ll bet it’s Utah!

Oh, no, it’s Massachusetts.

Say, don’t they have gay marriage there?

And, whoa, wait a minute, where is reason #6? Oh no, don’t tell me that the publication that posted this list called “Six Consequences…” didn’t even notice that there are only five? Dang, readers, ya’ll can just make up your own joke about that one.

At any rate, I have a solution for all this political activity that the Mormons seem hell-bent on orchestrating: Tax the motherfuckers! Tax them! Tax their fucking property! I have to pay taxes on my property, why should they be exempt?

A church in Pasadena, California almost lost their tax-exempt status for suggesting that Jesus would be critical of the Bush Doctrine.*

And the Mormons are fucking rich! They have 17 MILLION DOLLARS to spend on trying to make the lives of gay people miserable. Tax the fuck out of the tax-exempt motherfuckers, I say. Put the argument in terms they can understand.

*Note to Sarah Palin: The Bush Doctrine asserts this country’s right to pre-emptive war if another country is, you know, looking at us funny. Jesus was, and you’re an Evangelical Christian so you may not know this, very anti-war.


Spooney said...

I think everyone knows where I stand on religion...all relions.
Tax 'em all!

Spooney said...

that's ...all religions, BTW

vikkitikkitavi said...

That's right, baby. If you can't lion right the first time, don't even try to relion.

SkylersDad said...

I was getting all upset about your post until I saw Spooney's comment about taxing Lions. Then I really got pissed off, I mean what the fuck did Lions ever do?

Oh wait, my bad...

mary catherine said...

goddamn, vikki, you are KILLIN me with this. your blog should be required reading in all schools!!! and zoos for the lions too!!!

Matt said...

We have a similiar amendment here in Florida but some reason it isn't getting the press it gets in California.

I have read that it might actually pass in Cali which blows me away but I think it's failing here. I wonder if it has something to do with being so far from Utah. I guess gays can marry as long as they have to take a plane to Utah.

Or maybe it has something to do with the large Jewish population? I'm going to have to look into this.

Now I have research to do while I watch college football today. Find out why prop 8 gets so much press and prop 2 doesn't.



Anonymous said...

"Six Consequences" only listed five? Oh, that is rich. That is awesome.

GETkristiLOVE said...

It has Tim worried.

Vote no, bring an editing eye to the polls, and make it work people.

Bill Stankus said...

The moment Ronnie Raygun and then Bush 1 opened the floodgates for religion to sluice into government... well, Props like this one were inevitable.

Not only are we becoming a police-military state, the rules of morality they use are from the 1600s.

I think all of that can be repulsed but it will take a lot of work to root out all the deep moles within government bureaucracy.

deadspot said...

"I’m trying to think of a greater force for evil in the United States right now than the Mormon Church, and I’m coming up empty, readers."

Here's four off the top of my head:
the Republican party
Rocco diSpirito

Some Guy said...

Logic was never the Mormon's strong suit.

mrgumby2u said...

I loved this line in consequence #2, "In other words, Christians and those with moral beliefs." First, I appreciate that they recognize that a distinction must be made between Christians and those with moral beliefs. I find it humorous, too, that refer to Christians here, intending, I think, to imply that they are among them. If polls are to be trusted, most Christians in this country don't hold Mormons in much higher regard than Mormons hold gays.

Liberality said...

being a human being isn't enough nowadays to be treated with respect and dignity I suppose.

ReggaeVibrations_WTJU said...

not to heap more perfidy upon the Mormons (OK,i will), they have played a pivotal role in the acceptance and employment of torture methods (Jane Mayer's The Dark Side goes into detail).
this just solidifies my belief: anybody too fervent about ANYTHING is batshit crazy. and dangerous.

dguzman said...

The only thing I'll quibble with about your post is "12 million tithing motherfuckers"--I think it should read "12 million tithing daughterfuckers," given the Mormons' proclivity for that sort of thing. Ever read Under the Banner of Heaven? It's all you need to know about those crazy asses.

Great post! And let's hope Cali citizens don't pass this bullshit.