Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Victory with honor


I’m going to resist talking about former feminist turned idiot Palin zombie Elaine Lafferty, and instead bring up what not enough people seem to be acknowledging: that McCain’s policy on Iraq is not only wrong-headed and dangerous, but it’s also kind of impossible.

The U.N. resolution that governs the operations of U.S. forces in Iraq is set to expire at the end of the year. Iraq has said it will not seek a renewal.

We have negotiated with the Iraqi government an agreement to basically replace that resolution. The agreement will define the terms under which we operate there.

Stay with me. It gets slightly less boring.

BushCo has been so anxious to leave office with an agreement in place, that they have kinda sorta agreed to everything Bush said he would never agree to, mainly that U.S. forces would pull out of cities and back to bases by June of ‘09, and would be out of the country by the end of 2011.

Yes, it’s a timeline for withdrawal, y’all!

And it smells remarkable similar to the timeline that Obama has proposed.

The fuck?

How many times did Bush pinkie swear to us that he would never agree to a timeline? I think the reasoning was if there was a timeline, then the terrorists could just hide behind some trees until we left. Never mind that if that was their goal, to survive the occupation, then they could’ve simply taken up the tree-hiding strategy at any point in our five-and-a-half-year clusterfuck.

Does anyone ever get the feeling that in spite of their preoccupation with terrorists, BushCo doesn’t really understand what they do? The terrorists in Iraq want to kill U.S. forces. Whenever we say we’re going to leave, they’ll keep trying to kill us until that day comes. They’re not going to hide out until the game is over, and then pop up and claim victory like that douche I played paintball with that one time.

In other words, a terrorist hiding out until the enemies leave isn’t really, strictly speaking, much of a terrorist.

But it doesn’t really matter that BushCo caved to their every demand like some divorced dad at Chuck E. Cheese. Because the Iraqi government sent the agreement to their parliament, who must approve it for it to become law, and the parliament came back with a big fat DENY.

Yeah, they said no. They want more concessions.

And they’ll probably get them, because the U.S. is all tick-tock on the 12/31/08 deadline, and we SURE AS FUCK do not want to be caught playing security guard in a country with no little piece of paper with some rules written on it to back our ass up on the world stage.

So, okay, I’m not going to keep going on about that whole mess, but do you understand now that when McCain says that he is going to let conditions on the ground dictate our withdrawal from Iraq, that he might as propose that each American be given a $2500 tax rebate for EVERY MONKEY THAT FLIES OUT OF THEIR ASS? What he’s proposing is impossible! I mean, that whole “conditions on the ground” thing is so 3 years ago. Hello! It’s 2008! We’re negotiating an agreement to bug the fuck out! The Iraqis are going to want to see, oh, SOME FUCKING DATES in the goddamn thing!

What’s the matter, Mr. Maverick? Is Lieberman not whispering sweet foreign policy nothings in your ear anymore? Is that why your grasp of the war in Iraq is starting to sound about as deep as Palin’s grasp of the Mesozoic Era? Look, Gramps, I understand that you feel humiliated about the whole Vietnam debacle. This is not that. Do you understand me? This is not that. You’re having a flashback or something. Plus, you’re doing that old man thing where you can’t seem to keep your tongue in your mouth anymore. You’re done, Gramps, you’re done. Bush stole your dreams in 2000. Join the fucking club, already.

7 comments:

Madam Z said...

Great post. Especially this line: "But it doesn’t really matter that BushCo caved to their every demand like some divorced dad at Chuck E. Cheese."

dguzman said...

Great post as always, Vik--McCain won't ever get it, though. He'll be mumbling "country first" and "victory with honor" and "Obama's gonna raise your taxes!" until he's dust in the ground.

kirby said...

This is the big "accomplishment" that Bush is going to ride out of Washington?

Dad E said...

I find it interesting that Obama's campaign is letting this little jewel stay in the background. They must think they don't need this to win and at the point I believe they are correct. So unless McCain starts to talk about victory (and I always thought victory was that the Iraqi's would thank us and ask us to leave regardless of the politics left behind) we won't hear too much about this.

Conditions have seemed to render W as the forgotten man. He can't speak about the ecomony because he doesn't understand why things when wrong. And even if he did, he just couldn't bring himself to admit that the basic problems were lack of oversight and proper regulations.

No one from his own party wants to have their picture taken with him for use in the their campaign.

He is looking as though he has been spiritually castrated and yearning to go to his ranch and clear some brush. Then finally he can gaze upon his efforts and see something accomplished.

At least McCain will still have a job. And Governor Palin can start thinking about how she will lead the party back to glory with God's help.

Dad E said...

I find it interesting that Obama's campaign is letting this little jewel stay in the background. They must think they don't need this to win and at the point I believe they are correct. So unless McCain starts to talk about victory (and I always thought victory was that the Iraqi's would thank us and ask us to leave regardless of the politics left behind) we won't hear too much about this.

Conditions have seemed to render W as the forgotten man. He can't speak about the ecomony because he doesn't understand why things when wrong. And even if he did, he just couldn't bring himself to admit that the basic problems were lack of oversight and proper regulations.

No one from his own party wants to have their picture taken with him for use in the their campaign.

He is looking as though he has been spiritually castrated and yearning to go to his ranch and clear some brush. Then finally he can gaze upon his efforts and see something accomplished.

At least McCain will still have a job. And Governor Palin can start thinking about how she will lead the party back to glory with God's help.

kiki said...

i really enjoyed the similies used in this post

vikkitikkitavi said...

Madame Z: I probably stole it. It sounds like something stolen.

DGuz: Oh, I think he'll get it eventually. It's just that when you believe your campaign staff and they're right, you're brilliant. When you believe them and they're wrong, you're a chump.

Kirby: I don't think he can really build a legacy around the fact that he kept the White House lawn clear of brush.

DadE: Yes, the most depressing thing about this whole election is the near certainty of Palin 2012. Is it wrong to hope I don't live that long?

Kiki: And I applaud your correct usage of the word "similies."