Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Sorry, haters


Anyone out there a Martha Stewart fan?

I didn’t think so.

Everyone hates Martha Stewart. Why? Because we think she thinks she’s better than us.

Well, I got news for you…everyone thinks they’re better than you, okay? Everyone thinks they’re better than you.

It’s just that in Martha Stewart’s case – she’s right. She is better than you. Her focus, ambition, and attention to detail are downright scary. She’s a better cook than you are, she understands business better than you, and she throws better parties than you do. Generally, she knows a better class of people than you can ever hope to know.

She’s certainly better at making money than you are.

And what's more, she went to jail and came back more popular and more successful than ever. How many of us can say the same thing? That's right. None.

If you want to hate someone for thinking they’re better than you, hate me. Because I definitely think I’m better than you are, and I’m just a no-talent, no-money bitch who can’t knit and doesn’t raise her own chickens. So who the fuck am I to think I’m better than you? I fucking suck. Hate me, you fucking haters.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

um...i love martha. i might be the only one, but i do. i feel like i understand her crazy, crazy need for things to be abso-freakin-lutely PERFECT. like i said, that's just me. i think she's kinda brave for putting that much nutty out there. anyway. i have some homework to do, and linens to spritz with lavender water. laters, alex

kiki said...

i'm not a martha fan. but i respect her in some ways

i don't hate you. i don't hate anyone i don't know (except some people). i refuse to pass judgement, generally, until i meet someone.
as should everyone

Phil said...

I really only hate myself.

david said...

You're impossible to hate.

OK, OK, I take that back.

But you're a lot harder to hate than that anal-retentive, employee-abusing, pseudo-warm WASP with a weapon.

Bro said...

Martha's hot for all of the reasons you mentioned.

Skylers Dad said...

Marthas a good thing...

MonstrousJoe said...

Martha who?

mixednut said...

Ok.
You suck!
Feel better?

dad said...

Other than the ill conceived TV show copy of Trump's, I only watched her once on TV. See showed how to make candles out of emptied out lemon shells, which would then give off a natual lemon scent when lit. I thought that anyone who could successfully pull this type of stuff off and have women, and probably gay men, love it was pretty shewded. She was jailed for something most corporate managers do routinely, i.e. take advantage of insider information. I always thought the better story here was why she was singled out and by whom. Perhaps if I worked for her and she sceamed at me for something minor, I would have a different opinion of her, but from where I sit there is a lot to respect and admire about her. I do wish she would lose about 25 pounds. But maybe she needs a protective layer by now.

Jess said...

I don't think I've ever met a guy who didn't secretly (or non-secretly) want to fuck Martha Stewart.

I've heard different variations of:
"You KNOW she's gotta be a wildcat in the sack!"

Maybe THAT'S the REAL reason women hate her.

dad said...

Jess-You are on to something here.

vikkitikkitavi said...

AnonAlex: Do you use Martha's Lavender Linen Refresh, or do you make your own? Because the batch I whipped up stained my heirloom damask tablecloth terribly.

Kiki: Come one, admit that you hate me just a little bit. I feel pretty shaky about you, you know.

Phil: You're just not trying.

David: Maybe you're not trying hard enough to hate me. Okay, okay, I take that back.

Bro: Fuck yeah!

SkyDad: Don't fucking patronize me, motherfucker.

MJoe: Don't pretend you don't know who she is. Word on the street is that you pour your dish soap into a decorative container because it looks better on the kitchen counter than that tiresome plastic squeeze bottle.

MNut: Well, that was bit perfunctory, but I appreciate the thought.

Dad: Lose 25 pounds? Fucking ouch, dude! You try testing the galvinization layers on your new line of decorative outdoor beverage tubs all day and then see if YOU feel like dragging ass to the gym.

Jess: Yes, I didn't realize until now how many guys think she's hot. Maybe I should dye my hair blond and put on a few pounds.

Dad (again): Always so quick with the anti-sisterhood angle. Perhaps it is YOU who fear strong women...

GETkristiLOVE said...

Does this mean I'm not getting that crocheted shawl for Christmas?

BTW, I watch Martha a couple times a week.