Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Felony Assholery

It sounds like Carl Persing’s an asshole.

First of all, PDA with your girlfriend on an airplane is gross. I don’t want to watch you make out with tongues for 6 hours from Los Angeles to Raleigh.

Secondly, don’t get drunk on the plane. And if you do, please do us all the favor of quietly passing out. Don't have a med-mix fit, or leave a gift on the drink cart.

Thirdly, flight attendants are no longer solely what the formerly funny Dennis Miller once described as waitresses in the worst restaurant in the world. Their duties, whether it be the safety of the passengers, or the enforcement of the “no rubes in the first class potty” rule, are being taken quite seriously these days.

Poor Carl found that out a little too late. He discovered that it doesn’t matter that you’re on vacation, and that your girlfriend is hot, and that that third martini made you feel really fucking loose, man. When that flight attendant comes over and tells you to stop it, and sit down and shut up, you have to do it.

You have to do it.

Even if she is a bitch, dude.

Or would you prefer a felony conviction? With actual jail time? Because that’s what Carl got.

For being an asshole.

And while it sounds like the best idea, like, ever, to put assholes in jail, I don’t think there are too many of my readers out there who wouldn’t cop to at least a tiny bit of “there but for the grace of god…”

I’ll raise my hand up there.

But if we ARE going to put assholes in jail, I know where there's a whole nest of 'em.


Anon. Blogger said...

Yep,there for the grace.... you said it!

Howeva.... if you are in the public eye, maybe opt for a Bud Light there at the end...

No... that won't work.

Damn glass house!

Seriously, ego / feeling of power must really do a number on the brain... I mean, the whole thinking thing must just shut down!!

Sex drive and alcohol don't help, I suppose.

Skylers Dad said...

Agree whole-heartedly Vikki!

And I love the "formerly funny Dennis Miller line, yeah, I remember way back when...

deadspot said...

Hey, I wasn't drunk, I was just returning the snack box.

vikkitikkitavi said...

DeadSpot: Nice.

michael said...

Iiiii dunno. I've never overheard a passenger give a flight attendant any serious lip. And I've flown a fair amount over the years. To me it would be an extraordinary event.

I remember a story about several Brit women who were dumped off at JFK. So unruly, the pilot refused to take them to London! It was their behavior, I think, that tipped me off to how that dynamic works, to wit, they couldn't believe the pilot could actually do that sort of thing. Which, I think, tells you a lot about how those gals treated that plane -- with a sense of impunity.

vikkitikkitavi said...

Michael - I don't doubt the guy was a flaming asshat and a douche. But should that be a felony, just because it happens in a plane?

pezda said...

I'm all for throwing flaming assholes in jail for a few days, maybe some of them would get the message and cool their jets a bit.

michael said...

VTT: It seems over the top, doesn't it? All of us in the air, though, we should know our terms. The PA can't say how badly you'll get fucked over if you step out of line: that's not how one sets customers at ease.

The magic phrase is: "violation of federal law." When you hear that, you should be sitting at attention, with your mouth fucking shut. These are the same boys who have figured out how to detain virtually anyone without specified charges for virtually any length of time. And even before they made that power known, they've more or less had a certain amount of codified impunity in trampling on citizen's right. Forget anyone else's rights, unless one can afford to protect them.

Yeah it's nasty. Far better in my opinion to know that -- and fear it -- than wonder if it couldn't be nicer and gentler.

vikkitikkitavi said...

Michael: Because drunks are so skilled at rational thought?

dad said...

In the U.K. it is a crime to disobey a flight attendant or to verbally abuse them.