Your Bells On California Voter's Guide

LA Props:

Prop H: Habit for Humanity, among others, has endorsed this proposition to subsidize affordable housing with taxpayer funds. Sounds good, except this bond was created to kill a plan in the City Council that would force the companies that build homes to make 10% of them “affordable.” So why should we pay to subsidize people’s rent with taxpayer funds, when we can force the moneymakers to just build some units that lower income people can afford? Tough call, this one. I haven’t made up my mind yet.

Prop J: Just vote yes. This prop is stupid, and a fine example of what happens when you govern by proposition instead of letting our overpaid representatives do their job.

Prop R: Laura Chick, our tough-as-nails City Clerk, says we should reject this measure that tries to extend terms for City Council members, and goddammit, that’s good enough for me.

CA Props:

Prop 1A: This prop severely limits the state legislature’s ability to raid gas tax funds for budget items other than the gov’s slew of transportation projects. Wait a minute. Isn’t that the job of our legislators, to fund projects and balance the budget? I vote no.

Prop 1B: In spite of the fact that this huge trasportation prop makes taxpayers responsible for improvements to the Ports of LA and Long Beach – improvements that could have been paid for with the fee we would have collected from shipping lines if our governator hadn’t vetoed it, I am going to kill someone if my commute gets any longer. Also, I want the subway to go to LAX, for chrissake. I say yes.

Prop 1C: This one’s easy, unless you’re a heartless bastard. Yes.

Prop 1D: That’s right, another school bond prop. Again, do our legislators do anything at all? Yes.

Prop 1E: For the love of god, let’s repair our levees before they break and Southern California finds itself WITHOUT WATER. Yes!

Prop 83: GPS bracelets for life for all registered sex offenders, whether they’re actually what you or I would call a “predator” or not…I guess we’re trying to get them to move to another state, huh? I say let the police do their job. No.

Prop 84: Clean water. I’m for it.

Prop 85: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. Fucking hypocritical no-sex-havin’ assholes.

Prop 86: If only the bill DID pay for the taxpayer costs of taking care of smoking-related health expenses by raising taxes on cigarettes. Then I would vote for it. But this bill is bullshit, and a giveaway to health care corporations. Say no and maybe they’ll write a better bill next time.

Prop 87: This prop does NOT increase the state tax on gasoline, no matter what the commercials have lead you to believe. And anyone who says you should vote no on this one is planting one big wet smooch on the asses of the oil companies, who ARE NOT CHARGED for taking oil out of the ground in California, which makes us unique among oil-producing states, and is the very thing this prop seeks to rectify. No wonder oil companies have spent 90 million to try and defeat this measure. VOTE YES, motherfuckas!!!!!

Prop 88: You know what, my property taxes are already too high, and I just think this is a bullshit way to fund schools. I say no.

Prop 89: Campaign finance reform. Fuck yeah!!

Prop 90: This prop will prevent the government from taking your land unless it is a legitimate case of eminent domain, and not just some land developer’s wet dream. So I gotta say yeah, especially after the recent jaw-droppingly bad decision by the U.S. Supreme Court. Some people say that this bill will cause a lot of law suits by property owners objecting to zoning variances, but I say they can fix that shit in the wash. Vote yes.

For more info (and differing opinions, as if you need THAT), see the LA Weekly Voter’s Guide, and the LA Times Voting Guide.