Monday, June 18, 2007

Debbie Does Schlussel

Courtesy of Broadsheet comes this post from one Debbie Schlussel, who is all hot under the chastity belt about a wonderful new Yale study that finds that male congressmen with daughters are more likely to support reproductive rights than those without daughters.

From USA Today’s article on the study:

The findings, an update to a study published last year by the National Bureau of Economic Research, also show that the more daughters a congressman had, the more likely he was to vote for reproductive rights, says Ebonya Washington, an assistant economics professor at Yale.

Her new research, not yet published, expands on an analysis she did of roll-call votes during the 105th Congress in 1997-98 when she examined family composition and compared the data with voting records compiled by other groups. She used rankings by the National Organization for Women, based on votes on 20 women's issues such as equal rights, women's safety, economic security, education, health and reproductive rights. She also reviewed voting data from the National Right to Life Committee.

And here’s the conclusion that genius blogger Debbie "all the meanness of Coulter - but without the Adam's apple" Schlussel comes to:

(Prepare yourself. It’s really quite stunningly ignorant.):

(Seriously. If you have some protective eyewear, or, like a gag or some arm restraints, you might want to put them on now.):

The conclusion they want you to get from this is that pro-life Congressmen are insensitive to women and don't have contact with any.

But I'd draw a different conclusion: Congressmen who are liberal are more likely to have slutty daughters. And therefore, they are more likely to support abortion for selfish, personal reasons.

Oh, Debbie. Debbie, Debbie, Debbie.

First of all, I cannot resist this - compare the screen capture taken above with the pic from Deb’s website:

Yow. I haven’t seen a picture this misleading since the CIA stuck Oswald’s head on that standard issue “assassin with a gun” photo. I mean, lord knows I would never deny a girl the right to a little airbrushing, but holy moley! It’s like they molded her out of leftover pieces they’ve carved off Joan Rivers over the years.

And can we talk about the eye makeup in the Fox News pic for a second? I’m not sure what shape she’s trying to sculpt with such heavy usage of pearly white and dark brown contouring eyeshadow, but my suggestion to her is that in the future, she should go with something vaguely, oh, eye-shaped.

Oh, but y’all don’t want me to go on and on about Deb’s appearance in such a merely catty way. Do you? Because if you did, and you didn’t think it was beneath me or anything, then I probably would do it. I mean, if you thought it made me edgy or something…

Right. On to the logic of Debbie.

Debs, I know this might be kind of a unique idea to you, but the study wasn’t really concerned with judging the sexual habits of those congressmen’s daughters.

I know! Science not taking a prurient interest in young women’s sexuality and construing judgments about their relative moral worthiness? What the FUCK is this country coming to, right? And coming from Yale, too! Our fearless leader’s alma mater! When did they start letting women named “Ebonya” in, anyway?

So, see Debs, in this study, it was not the behavior of the daughters, but only the mere fact of having them, that caused the congressmen in question to tend to do the right thing, voting-wise. Which suggests that it’s just a little bit harder to screw women, legislatively, when you have to go home at night and look one in the face.

Especially one whose life might be very seriously affected by the decisions that you make every day when it comes to reproductive rights.

And if that’s selfishness, Debbie, then that’s exactly what his country needs more of.

Oh, and you’re a cunt.


dad said...

Hilarious, Vikki.

I see she puts out a blog called, Debbie Does Politics". Gee, I wonder where idea for that came from.

I am struggling with my terminology. When I hear Limbaugh or Krystal, I think "asshole". But apparently Colter and Schlussel are "cunts". Am I getting this right?

Michael said...

Nice freeze frame on that first photo. Looks like Melissa Joan Hart after three Vicodin, two boxes of donuts, and a donkey blowjob.

GETkristiLOVE said...

"Another conclusion: If you are pro-life, don't vote for candidates with daughters."

Another display of brilliance.

My conclusion: I think Debbie was adopted. Her real father is a pro-choice congressman. You know what that makes you, Debbie?!

vikkitikkitavi said...

Dad: Just like any other slur, "cunt" is taken differently depending on who it's coming from. From me, it's adorable. But maybe guys are better off sticking to "bitch."

Michael: Wow. Those were my exact search terms on Google Images.

Kristi: I don't know if you're right but I'd say that it's a safe guess that someone didn't give little Debbie enough love.

Simon Glickman and Sera Gamble said...

Well, she's roadkill now that Vikki's done with her.

By the by, I think "asshole" is a perfectly adequate designation for all "conservative commentators" (read "crypto-fascist media bloviators"), regardless of gender.

RandyLuvsPaiste said...

Chelsea Clinton and the Gore girls vs. the Bush twins.

Which daughters are sluttier?

'Bubbles' said...

WTF? What a wacko.

Book idea: Freakishly ignorant, whacky quotes from conservatives. Could be organized by era, or subject matter, or administration. Hmmm.

It could include thumbnails of the person that said it. I'm picturing her photo from the freeze frame next to this one. For one of Dubya's gems the thumbnail could be the crocs photo.

No editorials required, the ignorance pretty much speaks for itself, doesn't it?

Yeah, that would be a good bathroom book for holiday giving!

There's the idea, Vikki. You are definitely the one to create it, all I ask is a mere royalty. (I can't do it myself, my stomach is just too weak. You might need a strong medication to control your vomiting while pulling it together, but it will be worth it in the long run.)

deadspot said...

She looks a little bit more like "Debbie Schlussel, Truckstop Skank" in that Fox image.

I know you were focused on her eyes, but what's with that lipstick mess? Did she outline them with a Sharpie?

Johnny Yen said...

No, you can't fool me, Vikki-- that first picture is a picture of a man in drag.

vikkitikkitavi said...

Simon: I usually reserve "asshole" for conservative toddlers of either gender.

Randy: You are.

Bubbles: Why are people always giving me ideas for books they want ME to write?

Deadspot: I know, I can't believe I forgot to mention the LA girl gang member circa 1995 lip liner.

JohnnyY: Oh, if only my gender COULD claim moral superiority...

Anonymous said...

I wonder what she'd make of Republican presidential candidates with a boner for the Iraq war who have 5 strapping sons all of age yet not in the military?

Grant Miller said...

ukHoly shit. You should diary this at dailykos.

'Bubbles' said...

Cause you write so damn well and we are your fans!

cheer34 said...

How come no one has mentioned the way her boobs were placed on top of the counter? And why isn't she in a blue conservative looking suit? I think the c word fits her nicely. When someone cannot think for herself and attempts to have something to say it usually is an insult to another person/party. Liberal = slutty ..... Ha!

pezda said...

Wait! All liberal women aren't sluts! I was lied to!

I must applaud your sense of timing and delivery, I laughed out loud at the last sentence.