Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Not on this list: 9/11

From today’s War Room:

Asked today whether the Bush administration "feels any responsibility" for the split among Palestinians, White House Press Secretary Tony Snow said that what reporters "really need to be thinking about" is that "the president of the United States did not bind people's hands behind their back and throw them from rooftops. The president of the United States did not masquerade around with masks pulled over the face and slay people who disagreed with Hamas."

You know, folks, we really don’t give BushCo enough credit for the things they haven’t done. In case you’re not familiar with the many, many bad, fucked-up things NOT caused by this administration, I bring you a (partial) list:


Dred Scott decision

1906 San Francisco earthquake

Disappearance of the Mayan civilization

Curse of the Billy Goat

Apartheid (mostly)

Kirsten Dunst’s teeth

Teapot Dome Scandal

Toyota Scion xB

Dane Cook

Pirates of the Caribbean II & III

fluorescent lighting

Crocs

Uggs

The Yankees

New Coke

Freaks and Geeks cancellation

Hoobastank

Great Chicago Fire of 1871

airplane food

death of Bill Hicks (as far as we know)

manpris

cankles

Michelob Ultra

Larry the Cable Guy (although they sure didn’t help)

Toronto Raptors

airplane crash and subsequent cannibalization of Bolivian Soccer team in the Andes

Circus Peanuts

Hospitaliano

22 comments:

dad said...

Cubs

RandyLuvsPaiste said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bro said...

Bubonic Plague was one of mine... sorry, my bad.

GETkristiLOVE said...

Funny, I immediately scrolled, looking for crocs to see whether you included them or not.

Larry Jones said...

Well shit, it looks like they haven't done nothin'. In the words of Stevie Wonder.

kiki said...

so... they are responsible for crocs?

Anonymous said...

no, no, no. they are DIRECTLY responsible for la drunkst's choppers. jeez, don't you watch c-span?

heh heh. i wish.
xo,
alex

RandyLuvsPaiste said...

On the upside, Jerry Falwell died during the GWB years.

Flannery Alden said...

Boy, they have really lowered the bar at the White House.

Great list...

Johnny Yen said...

I'm not so sure he's not responsible for the manpris...

I actually met someone who liked circus peanuts. Yuk.

Michael said...

We used to have journalists who'd simply laugh at such ludicrous responses. We sure could use some fear and loathing in the White House Press Corps right now.

vikkitikkitavi said...

Dad: I've got the Curse of the Billy Goat in there, Dad, you know, the Cubs have got to take some tiny amount of responsibility themselves.

Bro: I know how you did it, too: kitty-cat hoarding.

Kristi: I had to figure out strikethrough text just for you, sis.

Larry: I agree, the crimes of non-BushCo are serious and many.

Kiki: Simmer down Aussie, it's the shoes, not the animal.

Alex: Don't even joke about Dr. Sunken Tit's teeth. They are by far the most fucked up thing on this list.

Randy: Yeah, well, what about their efforts to re-animate him?

Flannery: They had to lower the bar. Bush was so drunk he couldn't reach it where it was.

Thank you! I'll be here all week!

JohnnyY: You know, K-Fed has got one accomplishment to his name. ONE! And you try to take it away from him. That's awful.

And people who claim to like Circus Peanuts are the same kids that used to eat dog biscuits for a dime.

Michael: Did you see Richard Cohen's column in WaPo yesterday about Libby's conviction? "This is not an entirely trivial matter since government officials should not lie to grand juries, but neither should they be called to account for practicing the dark art of politics. As with sex or real estate, it is often best to keep the lights off."

See? We don't need to trouble our pretty little heads about it.

deadspot said...

Circus peanuts aren't that horrible. They're kind of like styrofoam, only orangier.

Anonymous said...

Why all the hate for Kiki Drunkst's teeth?

Asks the girl with the prototypical Irish smile.

But manpris are horrible indeed.

-Lisa

cheer34 said...

What's hoobastank?

kirby said...

How about Hootie and the Blowfish, are they responsible for them?

Michael said...

"As with sex or real estate, it is often best to keep the lights off."

I apologize. We do have fear and [self]=loating in the Corps, just not the kind I was looking for. I wish I was this guy's liquor supplier though.

vikkitikkitavi said...

DeadSpot: Oh, so you're the kid who ate dog biscuits for a dime.

Lisa: Scary baby teeth on adults freak me out. Especially when combined with a vicious underbite. Plus, you know, she just sucks, generally.

Cheer34: Oh, no you don't. It was bad enough just typing their name.

Kirby: H&tB are from Florida, originally, I believe. Need I say more?

Michael: What's most stunning about that guy's statement is the inherent contempt for the victims of these "lights out" policies, i.e., us.

Grant Miller said...

But he totally kidnapped Lindbergh's baby.

pezda said...

I really do need to come here more often. What a great list. I am still chuckling.

Spooney said...

Hey, what the hell is wrong with a little Hospitaliano!

bondo said...

Hey, have you seen this?
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/view/id/113
It's a Richard Dawkins talk on ted .Com

Brilliant.

j.b.