Pussy-whipped

It is tough sometimes, to stop complaining about the disparity between how Republicans and Democrats are treated by the media.

And I’m not talking about how much press went into the blowjob scandal as opposed to the one where the president lied so he would have a better excuse to send service men and women to their deaths. Let’s look at a more direct comparison.

For instance, W and Bill Clinton both evaded the Vietnam draft. W is beloved by most members of the military, while it was implied many times during Clinton’s tenure that he should excuse himself from ceremonies honoring veterans, because he was not “qualified” (read: “good enough”).

And while Hillary has not yet committed vehicular homicide, (Although can you imagine the massive shooting of media spooge if she did? It would be like every Christmas and and Easter and Fourth of July since the beginning of time all wrapped up in one over at FoxNews.) one can imagine that her treatment by the press would be somewhat different than their treatment of our current first lady, who killed her high school sweetheart while behind the wheel. Although the story is somewhat sad on the surface, its tragic glossy veneer starts to look a little thin when one learns that she was, according to some reports, drinking when it happened, and that her politically-connected family did manage to get her record expunged.

And anyway, what better qualification is there to be First Lady than a drinking problem?

My point is not that we should condemn Laura Bush, but that we perhaps should give others the same benefit of the doubt. After all, Hillary got raked over the coals just for knowing a dead guy.

And so on to Hillary’s latest press problem, which is, as Media Matters has pointed out, that Sarah Baxter at the London Sunday Times, and professional idiot Caitlin Flanagan at The Atlantic have resurrected an old non-story from 2001 and are using it to – surprise, surprise – insinuate that Hillary is a cold-hearted bitch.

Baxter’s article is titled “Ouch! Hillary Clinton’s Softer Image is Clawed Over Dumped Cat.” The story is about how the Clintons allowed Bill’s personal secretary Betty Currie to adopt their cat, Socks, when they moved out of the White House. And the “proof” that Hillary’s image has been damaged? Why, Flanagan’s article, of course.

Don’t you love it when members of the press use an article written by another member of the press as proof that they have tapped into the American zeitgeist, as opposed to performing an act of mutual masturbation?

Baxter says that Socks “allowed ‘chilly’ Hillary Clinton to show a caring, maternal side,” and that therefore Hillary used Socks, and when she was done using Socks, she dumped him on the…you know…hired help. Flanagan says: “In the annals of human evil, off-loading a pet is nowhere near the top of the list. But neither is it dead last, and it is especially galling when said pet had been deployed for years as an all-purpose character reference.”

You know what I say? I say that I don’t remember a single photo op of Hillary knitting little booties for Socks. In fact, I don’t remember any photos of them together at all. If Socks was being employed to soften Hillary’s image, his job performance was about what you’d expect from a cat: indifferent.

In reality, the Clintons got rid of Socks because he tortured their dog, Buddy. And Buddy was Bill’s dog. So why isn’t the re-gifting of Socks being spun as a story of how subservient Hillary is to her man? Why isn’t it being spun as a story of how the Clintons raised a daughter so selfish that she put her preference for college housing above her love for her childhood pet?

Because that wouldn’t fit the media’s favorite wanking-off point: that Hillary is, you know, a bitch.

And I have to admit that it irks me when I see women participate in this kind of stereotype mongering. I mean, why the tired-ass “bitch” angle, ladies? If you wanted to slam Hillary on the issues, there’s more than enough fodder there. But…that might require an actual knowledge, or understanding of the issues, and I’m guessing that’s not so much what we expect from your Sarah Baxters and your Caitlin Flanagans. We expect bitchiness, right gals? Because you’re women. Women writers. Women who have careers outside the home as writers. And we all know what THAT means.

They’re bitches. Ambitious, castrating bitches.

So listen up, catty bitches! If you’re looking for a “animal cruelty” angle involving a presidential candidate, check out this story about how Mr. Latter-Day Saint tied his dog carrier with his dog inside it to the top of his car, and then drove down the freeway while his terrified dog let loose his bowels all over the roof. This story is wide open gals, I’m telling you.

Because for some reason, the press is just not leaping on this one.

I can’t imagine why.