The United States of Rainbows and Unicorns

Our National Seal

Anyone out there who still believes in a politician who is without strategic lapses of morality, even his or her own morality, please come and stand next to me.

So that I can kick you in the ass.

Look, baby, politicians compromise. That’s what they do. They can not, and do not, get where they are without compromising. A lot. More than the most jaded among us would like, in fact.

Ad infinitum, in perpetuity throughout the universe, forever and ever, amen.

So please, please, PLEASE stop telling me that your guy is different from all those other guys. And specifically, please stop telling me that Barack Obama is not like other politicians. Because he is exactly like other politicians. He wants to win. There is no point if you don’t win. The trick is, to compromise enough to win, but not so much you lose. That’s it. That’s the whole idea. Bill Clinton was really good at walking that line. John Kerry, not so much.

Obama, who has been trailing Hillary Clinton not just generally but also among African-Americans, a group whose ranks he may or may not be even admitted as a member, has just decided that it was time to take a big hit for what he hopes is a big gain.

Specifically, he has refused to disassociate himself from gospel singer Donnie McClurkin, one of those “gay can be cured through the lord” types, even though his campaign is getting some pretty tough publicity because of it.

Obama is making a big-time play for devout blacks with his South Carolina “gospel tour,” and support for gay rights among that group is almost nil. Support for gay marriage rights among blacks generally is only at about half what it is among white Democrats: 22% vs. 43%.

His campaign is hoping to spin Obama’s whole “better voting through the Lord” tour as yet another example of their candidate’s ability to bring people of opposite views together. That’s what they’re spinning to the left wing of the party, who are understandably appalled by McClurkin’s views, which range from “homosexuality is a curse,” to “homosexuals are trying to kill our children.” No spin necessary for the homophobic wing of the Democratic party, who are already getting Obama's message loud and clear.

So, well, good luck with that strategy, Senator. Meanwhile, the next time one of your followers tells me I should vote for you for any reason other than your stand on the issues, I’m going to tell them to kiss my blue state hiney.

Because I am tired of you fucking idealistic Democrats. Because once you find out your candidate is human, you become the most tiresome, whining, petulant, bitter people on the face of the earth. You swear you will never vote again, ever! You issue stern warnings to your friends that even though you do not agree on any issue, you will vote Republican, because at least they’re not stupid Democrats! You are the people I see walking around with a martyred expression and a “Ron Paul for President” button. You are the people standing at those tables outside the grocery store, trying to convince me that Lyndon LaRouche is not a card-carrying loon.

And so people, I hope that this little incident from the Obama campaign drives home my point, which is that there is no magic candidate. There is NO ONE running in this race who hasn’t done some pretty stinky things because he or she thought it would help them politically. There are no fairy tale contenders. No Prince Charmings, no wizards, no vaguely Christ-like talking lions – nothing.

Except for Kucinich, who I’m pretty sure is some kind of elf.