Tuesday, October 30, 2007

The United States of Rainbows and Unicorns

Our National Seal

Anyone out there who still believes in a politician who is without strategic lapses of morality, even his or her own morality, please come and stand next to me.

So that I can kick you in the ass.

Look, baby, politicians compromise. That’s what they do. They can not, and do not, get where they are without compromising. A lot. More than the most jaded among us would like, in fact.

Ad infinitum, in perpetuity throughout the universe, forever and ever, amen.

So please, please, PLEASE stop telling me that your guy is different from all those other guys. And specifically, please stop telling me that Barack Obama is not like other politicians. Because he is exactly like other politicians. He wants to win. There is no point if you don’t win. The trick is, to compromise enough to win, but not so much you lose. That’s it. That’s the whole idea. Bill Clinton was really good at walking that line. John Kerry, not so much.

Obama, who has been trailing Hillary Clinton not just generally but also among African-Americans, a group whose ranks he may or may not be even admitted as a member, has just decided that it was time to take a big hit for what he hopes is a big gain.

Specifically, he has refused to disassociate himself from gospel singer Donnie McClurkin, one of those “gay can be cured through the lord” types, even though his campaign is getting some pretty tough publicity because of it.

Obama is making a big-time play for devout blacks with his South Carolina “gospel tour,” and support for gay rights among that group is almost nil. Support for gay marriage rights among blacks generally is only at about half what it is among white Democrats: 22% vs. 43%.

His campaign is hoping to spin Obama’s whole “better voting through the Lord” tour as yet another example of their candidate’s ability to bring people of opposite views together. That’s what they’re spinning to the left wing of the party, who are understandably appalled by McClurkin’s views, which range from “homosexuality is a curse,” to “homosexuals are trying to kill our children.” No spin necessary for the homophobic wing of the Democratic party, who are already getting Obama's message loud and clear.

So, well, good luck with that strategy, Senator. Meanwhile, the next time one of your followers tells me I should vote for you for any reason other than your stand on the issues, I’m going to tell them to kiss my blue state hiney.

Because I am tired of you fucking idealistic Democrats. Because once you find out your candidate is human, you become the most tiresome, whining, petulant, bitter people on the face of the earth. You swear you will never vote again, ever! You issue stern warnings to your friends that even though you do not agree on any issue, you will vote Republican, because at least they’re not stupid Democrats! You are the people I see walking around with a martyred expression and a “Ron Paul for President” button. You are the people standing at those tables outside the grocery store, trying to convince me that Lyndon LaRouche is not a card-carrying loon.

And so people, I hope that this little incident from the Obama campaign drives home my point, which is that there is no magic candidate. There is NO ONE running in this race who hasn’t done some pretty stinky things because he or she thought it would help them politically. There are no fairy tale contenders. No Prince Charmings, no wizards, no vaguely Christ-like talking lions – nothing.

Except for Kucinich, who I’m pretty sure is some kind of elf.


Bubs said...

Kucinich is not an elf, I think he's a gnome. Anyway...

I like your take on Obama. I haven't gotten the Obama-mania that I've seen among a bunch of Democrats here in Illinois. I think much of it is due to his appearance at the 2004 convention; for Democrats pining for Bill Clinton, starved for a good-looking, charismatic national candidate, Obama seemed like the answer.

Never mind that no one with the middle name "Hussein" is going to be elected president any time in the next decade. And now the emails are circulating showing Obama as the only candidate not standing with his hand over his heart during the playing of the national anthem at a steak fry in Iowa.

So Obama has shown himself to be a classic stumbling Democrat. He decides to be "principled" by not wearing a lapel pin flag, doesn't put his hand over his heart during the anthem, the kinds of things that will get him relentlessly beaten up in the MSM and rightwing talkshows/blogs, while trying to triangulate right a la Clinton by hooking up with a homophobe to chase black church votes that it looks like he's not getting anyway. Lose/lose.

Sorry for the rant. Great post.

'Bubbles' said...

"Some kind of elf"

Bwahahahaha! Thanks, Vikki, I needed that!!

I remember giving a speech to an employee that was young and bitter from seeing politics overtake any reason on a project we were working on. I told her that if she didn't want to believe that politics were a necessary evil, then to just think of it as "relationship building" and remember how much she was able to get done when she had a relationship with someone. I thought it sounded good, but I could see in her eyes that she was sure I had sold out...

Your analogy of walking a narrow line is so right.

GETkristiLOVE said...

We're holding out for a hero, that splits the democratic vote, and that's how all those damn Republicans get into office.

Anonymous said...

If you want to learn more about looney LaRouche, check out this long article from the Washington Monthly. Good stuff!


Bro said...

lol... nice piece.

I think I heard Kucinich speaking Sindarian.

Grant Miller said...

Great post. Politicians are filthy, dirty people - just like the rest of us. Anyone who thinks their candidate is a saint needs his head checked.

Or, as Woody Allen wisely put it and I have ripped off millions of times: "Politicians? They're like a notch below child molesters."

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Not only is Kucinich an elf, he's alos got like 10,000 hit points, two relics, and a bag of holding. He'll kick your ass in some Dungeons and Dragons. And then he and his giant wife will have you over for some vegan cookies.

dad said...

Speaking of winning. The DNC ought to be doing all it can to promote a third party candidate amongst the bible thumpers and scare them with Giuliani stories. I would send money for that.

Distributorcap said...

nice piece

everyone wanted Obama to be the next Jack Kennedy -- you know the young charismatic man from Camelot with the perfect wife and children and smile...

well you got another pandering lackluster politician (with brains) and no skills to hide the pandering and lackluster performance

as always for AMERICA -- it is picking the lesser of two evils

vikkitikkitavi said...

Bubs: Actually, I'm not convinced Obama won't be the nominee. He's got some staying power, and I somehow doubt he'd allow himself to get beaten up like Gore and Kerry did.

Bubbles: Ah, to be young and idealistic. Oh, sorry, I must have been remembering someone else's childhood.

Anon: Why on EARTH would I want to learn more? I don't want to know what I already do know.

Bro: It's been a long time since you could bust out a LOTR reference, eh? You're welcome.

Grant Miller: Have you memorized EVERY line of Annie Hall? We should have an Annie Hall-off sometime.

Dr.MVM: Oh, if only Kucinich were cool enough to be a D&D geek...

Dad: Send money to Giuliani. And then the religious right will hang themselves. And then go to hell for hanging themselves. Bonus!

DCap: Obama might BE the next Jack Kennedy. We ought to wipe the Vaseline off the lens of JFK's presidency and take a more realistic look at the guy sometime.

kiki said...

john howard would have to be the biggest compromiser of all

especially now, leading up to an election where he is finally being challenged by someone half decent.

it's disgusting some of the political back flips he's performed

deadspot said...

"There is no point if you don’t win."

Thank you for getting it.

It's tough to effect change when you're not in power. The Democrats need to learn that coffee is for closers.

dguzman said...

Great post, and as always, right on. I was saying just this morning during the NPR dem debate recap that whatever spark Obama had, it seems (to me) to be gone. His "magic" is just the same old shit repackaged, just like all of them.

The key to my decision boils down to this: I LOVED Bill Clinton even though I knew he was a conservative-pandering (DOMA, Don't Ask Don't Tell) a-hole. But at least the guy sincerely acted like he cared for people, for something besides money and power--unlike Satan Cheney and his reich-wing minions. I'll take "acted like" over "clearly don't give a shit about" any day.

I love that little elf and his hottie wife, but I'll probably end up voting for Hillary just so I can see Bill in the White House again. She's certainly better than anyone on the right, and I don't want to be like those people who voted for Nader over Gore in 2000 and split the vote.

Anonymous said...

My father-in-law used to say no one ever walks away from the bargaining table with all their fingers intact, but that the trick was to come away with just one more finger than the other guy.

olyolyoxycotinfree said...

i dunno. politicians are as human as the rest of us. i've wavered morality at work too.

but i wanna defend my main man:
congressmen peter defazio

he a good one. which is why he'll never get any further than the u.s. congress.

vikkitikkitavi said...

Kiki: I don't know much about Howard, but what I do know I don't like.

Deadie: I love you for saying "coffee is for closers." I love you more than you will ever know.

DGuz: Um, I'm not sold that Hillary will be the nominee. And I don't think anyone else should be, either.

Kirby: Wow, I'm not sure what your father-in-law was bargaining for, but he can have my share, too. He sounds like a wise man.

OOOxy: That politicians are human was precisely my point. Voters are human, too, which is why well-meaning dorks like DeFazio and my rep. Brad Sherman, will never go very far.

dguzman said...

Oooh, now I'm really interested--if not Hillary, then who?