This goes to 11

Every once in a while I run into someone who, while informing me that they’re a Democrat, also confesses to me that if John McCain were the Republican nominee, they would have to vote for him in the general election.

Why? Because he’s “honest,” or “sincere,” or “tough but fair,” or other “words” and “catch phrases” that they’ve “heard” from “television,” or from “their daddy.”

Honestly, I don’t think people will ever learn. Never, ever, learn. Apparently we re-elected our current numbskull-in-chief because he seemed like a guy we would want to have a beer with.

Except, ew. I’m not trying to be all “I told you so,” but I knew that dude was a creep the first time I saw him. C’mon, how stupid do you have to be, willfully or otherwise, not to see through that good ole boy act? W is and always was the very epitome of all-hat-no-cattle. I mean, Jesus Christ, he bought his “ranch” about two minutes before he entered the race, stuck, like six cows on it and decided he was gonna be our cowboy president.

I mean, the guy is scared of horses. Scared. Of horses.

Horses.

So when people tell me that they like John McCain, I usually ask them if they know that he is pro-war and anti-choice, for a start. You’d be surprised how many people don’t know that. Or, oh hell, you know what? You wouldn’t be surprised at all, I bet. Like me, the ignorance of voters probably surprises you not a whit.

But now, now that McCain has decided that the next step in his be-president-or-die-trying campaign is to leap into the possible breach in the party caused by the Council for National Policy’s decision to announce that if the Republicans are going to nominate Giuliani, then they’re going to take their ball and go home.

McCain stated in a recent interview for Beliefnet that "the No. 1 issue people should make [in the] selection of the president of the United States is, 'Will this person carry on in the Judeo-Christian principled tradition that has made this nation the greatest experiment in the history of mankind?'"

Wow, pander much?

He also said “I admire the Islam.”

The Islam? Is that like “the Iraq?”

But uh-oh, then he said something not so admire-y. He said “I just have to say in all candor that since this nation was founded primarily on Christian principles.... personally, I prefer someone who I know who has a solid grounding in my faith. But that doesn't mean that I'm sure that someone who is Muslim would not make a good president. I don't say that we would rule out under any circumstances someone of a different faith. I just would--I just feel that that's an important part of our qualifications to lead.”

Holy shit, did you see the size of that pander? That was HUGE!

But here comes a bigger one: “I would probably have to say yes, that the Constitution established the United States of America as a Christian nation. But I say that in the broadest sense. The lady that holds her lamp beside the golden door doesn't say, “I only welcome Christians.” We welcome the poor, the tired, the huddled masses. But when they come here they know that they are in a nation founded on Christian principles.”

If someone were to ask me if he could possibly pander more, I would have to say: none. None more pander.

I mean, seriously. The Constitution established us as Christians? Which part, exactly? The part about the power to mint coins, or the bit that prohibits inter-state tariffs?

Or, let’s see…maybe the part where they talk about establishing a Post Office?

It’s kinda sad, really, to see McCain, who used to talk smack to all those religious charlatans, trying so hard to get them to finally, finally choose him next for their team.