Thursday, January 25, 2007

Jesus likes it balmy

So there's this suburban parent who got all riled up when he found out his daughter's 7th grade science class was going to screen "In Inconvenient Truth," and he pressured the school board into declaring a moratorium, and now the principal has to give special permission to any teacher who wants to show the movie, because it's been deemed controversial, and if you do show it, you have to also show materials that scientifically rebut the point of view of the movie, and the teacher in question remarked that THAT'S going to be hard to do, etc. etc.

So business as usual for the hysterical ostriches of the right, right?

Except listen to what this parent wrote in his email to the school, via WaPo:
"No you will not teach or show that propagandist Al Gore video to my child, blaming our nation -- the greatest nation ever to exist on this planet -- for global warming," [Frosty E.] Hardiman wrote in an e-mail to the Federal Way School Board. The 43-year-old computer consultant is an evangelical Christian who says he believes that a warming planet is "one of the signs" of Jesus Christ's imminent return for Judgment Day.
Oh my god. So he's just fucking crazy, and he doesn't care who knows it!

Global warming is Jesus's own little alarm clock, y'all.

And Hummers are blessed by the lord, because they just hurry Jesus along.

What's really depressing about this story is that Crazy McJesuspants got a whole fucking school district to succumb to his twisted fucking fairy tale.

Also, I would like to let Frosty E. Hardiman (no, I am not making that name up) know, in case the little maniac is out there googling his name (and you know he is), that even our #1 go-to-guy for wrongitude, and I'm sure a personal crazy-ass hero of his, President Bush, admitted in Tuesday's State of the Union that we need to "confront the serious challenge of global climate change."

So there, Mr. Batshit McCrazybrain. Either you're wrong about global warming being Jesus's personal red carpet, or your very favorite president has just betrayed you by finally, FINALLY admitting that we need to do something about it.

Which is it?


SV said...

I can't decide which name I like better: Crazy McJesuspants or Batshit McCrazybrain. In the work environment, McJesuspants clearly fails the diversity test. Speaking of dieversity, asshole is one of the few things you can call someone that is gender neutral, religion neutral, and that everyone has (not necessarily the case with a brain, sadly).

vikkitikkitavi said...

I'm torn, myself.

Skylers Dad said...

Brought to you be the fine folks who think the Grand Canyon was carved by Noahs flood:

Jesus tap-dancing Christ!

RandyLuvsPaiste said...

Why does society feel they gotta tip-toe around conservatives?

I recently re-watched The Birdcage with Robin Williams and Nathan Lane. Why did that family feel they needed to hide/apologize to still-living-in-the-50's parents? The weirder thing is why I never questioned that the first time I saw it.

Are we brainwashed to not upset the frail disposition of the reactionary?

Harlee said...

Firstly: Crazy McJesuspanys, hands down. I'm still lauging.

B: I don't know whay but that (incredibly depressing) e-mail reminded me of my favorite (sllllightly inflammatory) slogans - "Don't pray in my school and I won't think in your church."

Harlee said...

Now pardon me as I go learn to type...


GETkristiLOVE said...

If only Frosty the snowman really knew why the sun was hot that day... Jesus made him melt away.

Grant Miller said...

Holy shit for fuck people are nuts.

Anon. Blogger said...

You silly people. Jesus needs it to be balmy because he only wears sandals.

(He should go to Boulder and see that you can wear sandals in any weather.)

Johnny Yen said...

This from the folks who brought you"

"If English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for us!"--former Texas Governor Miriam Ferguson

vikkitikkitavi said...

SkyDad: Oh, holy crap. That site just makes me sad and angry.

Randy: There is a feeling, I think, that those with conservative views should win because they are somehow virtuous in their beliefs, while our beliefs are bad and not deserving of respect. I am around conservative people all the time, and even I can't help doing things like "watching my language," or not referring to my sinful domestic situation, even though I usually hate myself afterward. Why should there not be compromise? Why is it their way or the highway? Why do I allow them to make me feel guilty?

Welcome (back) Harlee! But I can't believe you would bash Evangelicals like that. The Evangelical church is SO open-minded, and so willing to listen to alternate points of view, and really, really encouraging when their members speak out in opposition to church leaders. So I don't know why you would make a crack like that. I really don't.

Kristi: Jesus is so jealous of Frosty for trying to co-opt his birthday.

Grant: As usual, Grant, you have distilled all my arguments into 7 words or fewer. My hat is off to you, again.

AnonBlog: I refuse to believe that Jesus would wear Tiva sandals with socks. If he came back, I think he would be a Vans dude.

JohnnyY: Well, you know, according to the Mormons, Jesus was known to tool around the Americas a bit. Granted, that was before the English settled here, but hey, it sounds like he was a pretty cosmopolitan guy and he could've picked it up somewhere. Maybe Hong Kong.

Spooney said...

Evangelical Christians are all dain bramaged.

MonstrousJoe said...

that was awesome! Jesus, much like myself, loathes the cold, so, of course the world is warming in anticipation of the rapture... wait, if people are raptured, won't they miss all the sunshine anyway? Now I'm confused...

Pisser said...

Wow. Religious wackos scare the Mexican I had last night out of me. They WANT to meet The Jesus, and sooner rather than later.

I guess they think us Buddhist and Jewish types are in a similar hurry to get to hell?! Which we don't (I think) even believe in...?

Meanwhile, couldn't they maybe think that G_d made the world and all its creatures, that maybe we should have respect for His/Her/Its creations, and take a little care of them?!

Selfish fucks.

Dan Carlson said...

I'm a Christian, and am going to completely steal Crazy McJesuspants when referring to the big screaming dumbasses that are ruining every single aspect of my faith. I loved An Inconvenient Truth, and I never voted for Bush. Just wanted you all to know that there are normal ones of us out there. Basically, whenever you see one of the Crazies, look 10 feet behind him at the people shaking their heads and weeping out of disbelief and shame. That's us.

P.S. I love this blog.

Johnny Yen said...

BTW, my seventh grade son saw An Inconvenient Truth in Science class in his Chicago Public School and now wants to run Al Gore's presidential campaign. Al might win if he did that-- running political campaigns (for Democrats) is what his mother, my ex-girlfriend, did for a living when I met her.

Kiki B said...

Your blog is awesome!!

The story, though, leaves a bit to be desired. Like, a schoolteacher going to Crazy McAsshat's house, informing him that MY elementary school science books in the early 1990s contained the facts on greenhouse gases and this has been a long time coming...
Why people automatically think a mild winter is a direct result of global climate change, I'll never understand. The bottom line is that our pollution has altered our ecosystem. I wish I knew how those facts flout either faith or religious doctrine???