From today’s War Room:
Asked today whether the Bush administration "feels any responsibility" for the split among Palestinians, White House Press Secretary Tony Snow said that what reporters "really need to be thinking about" is that "the president of the United States did not bind people's hands behind their back and throw them from rooftops. The president of the United States did not masquerade around with masks pulled over the face and slay people who disagreed with Hamas."
You know, folks, we really don’t give BushCo enough credit for the things they haven’t done. In case you’re not familiar with the many, many bad, fucked-up things NOT caused by this administration, I bring you a (partial) list:
Dred Scott decision
1906 San Francisco earthquake
Disappearance of the Mayan civilization
Curse of the Billy Goat
Apartheid (mostly)
Kirsten Dunst’s teeth
Teapot Dome Scandal
Toyota Scion xB
Dane Cook
Pirates of the Caribbean II & III
fluorescent lighting
Crocs
Uggs
The Yankees
New Coke
Freaks and Geeks cancellation
Hoobastank
Great Chicago Fire of 1871
airplane food
death of Bill Hicks (as far as we know)
manpris
cankles
Michelob Ultra
Larry the Cable Guy (although they sure didn’t help)
Toronto Raptors
airplane crash and subsequent cannibalization of Bolivian Soccer team in the Andes
Circus Peanuts
Hospitaliano
22 comments:
Cubs
Bubonic Plague was one of mine... sorry, my bad.
Funny, I immediately scrolled, looking for crocs to see whether you included them or not.
Well shit, it looks like they haven't done nothin'. In the words of Stevie Wonder.
so... they are responsible for crocs?
no, no, no. they are DIRECTLY responsible for la drunkst's choppers. jeez, don't you watch c-span?
heh heh. i wish.
xo,
alex
On the upside, Jerry Falwell died during the GWB years.
Boy, they have really lowered the bar at the White House.
Great list...
I'm not so sure he's not responsible for the manpris...
I actually met someone who liked circus peanuts. Yuk.
We used to have journalists who'd simply laugh at such ludicrous responses. We sure could use some fear and loathing in the White House Press Corps right now.
Dad: I've got the Curse of the Billy Goat in there, Dad, you know, the Cubs have got to take some tiny amount of responsibility themselves.
Bro: I know how you did it, too: kitty-cat hoarding.
Kristi: I had to figure out strikethrough text just for you, sis.
Larry: I agree, the crimes of non-BushCo are serious and many.
Kiki: Simmer down Aussie, it's the shoes, not the animal.
Alex: Don't even joke about Dr. Sunken Tit's teeth. They are by far the most fucked up thing on this list.
Randy: Yeah, well, what about their efforts to re-animate him?
Flannery: They had to lower the bar. Bush was so drunk he couldn't reach it where it was.
Thank you! I'll be here all week!
JohnnyY: You know, K-Fed has got one accomplishment to his name. ONE! And you try to take it away from him. That's awful.
And people who claim to like Circus Peanuts are the same kids that used to eat dog biscuits for a dime.
Michael: Did you see Richard Cohen's column in WaPo yesterday about Libby's conviction? "This is not an entirely trivial matter since government officials should not lie to grand juries, but neither should they be called to account for practicing the dark art of politics. As with sex or real estate, it is often best to keep the lights off."
See? We don't need to trouble our pretty little heads about it.
Circus peanuts aren't that horrible. They're kind of like styrofoam, only orangier.
Why all the hate for Kiki Drunkst's teeth?
Asks the girl with the prototypical Irish smile.
But manpris are horrible indeed.
-Lisa
What's hoobastank?
How about Hootie and the Blowfish, are they responsible for them?
"As with sex or real estate, it is often best to keep the lights off."
I apologize. We do have fear and [self]=loating in the Corps, just not the kind I was looking for. I wish I was this guy's liquor supplier though.
DeadSpot: Oh, so you're the kid who ate dog biscuits for a dime.
Lisa: Scary baby teeth on adults freak me out. Especially when combined with a vicious underbite. Plus, you know, she just sucks, generally.
Cheer34: Oh, no you don't. It was bad enough just typing their name.
Kirby: H&tB are from Florida, originally, I believe. Need I say more?
Michael: What's most stunning about that guy's statement is the inherent contempt for the victims of these "lights out" policies, i.e., us.
But he totally kidnapped Lindbergh's baby.
I really do need to come here more often. What a great list. I am still chuckling.
Hey, what the hell is wrong with a little Hospitaliano!
Hey, have you seen this?
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/view/id/113
It's a Richard Dawkins talk on ted .Com
Brilliant.
j.b.
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