City Council abandons LA's #1 pain in the ass

I’m sure there’s going to be a lot of editorial hand-wringing about the Los Angeles City Council’s recent decision not to plant any more palm trees on streets and medians, but you won’t hear any from me. I fucking hate palm trees, and here’s why:

1. Where’s the shade, bro? It’s a hundred a twenty degrees out; I could do with a patch of shade that’s more than eighteen inches square.

2. Have you ever had a palm frond fall on your head from a seventy-five foot tree? Surprisingly painful.

3. You can’t really count yourself as a citizen of LA until you’ve driven over a frond and had it wrap around your wheel and disable your car.

4. Once palm trees reach a certain height, they must be professionally trimmed every couple of months or citrus rats will nest in the dead fronds. And in a city where a domestic beer in a bar is seven bucks, gas is still over $2.50 a gallon, and the median home price hovers around half a million dollarinos, professional palm tree trimming is so what I want to be spending my money on.