Tuesday, December 12, 2006

High five!

So, you're a drunk preppie fratboy in the company of other drunk preppie fratboys. The whole world is your oyster, yes?

But then this guy pretending to be a foreign journalist gets aboard your RV, and gets you to sign a release, and then videotapes you letting loose about how you really feel about women and minorities. Or rather, how your daddy really feels about women and minorities, since it's extremely unlikely that you yourself are capable of independent thought.

Again, bonus, right? Someone is pretending that the tripe that issues from your mouth is meaningful and deep! Woo hoo!

But then it turns out that you were rather easily duped. And that footage of you and your friends gets put into a movie with wide national release, and then the movie does really well and a lot of people see it.

And you come to realize - albeit slowly - that other people are horrified by your behavior and your opinions. And then you find out that you didn't get that job at the major corporation. And then your friend, the one who was with you in the RV, doesn't get that internship that he thought he was a going to get even though his daddy pulled some strings, yo.

And you try to sue the movie studio, and also that fake journalist, saying that you were tricked into consenting. And you hope that by suing that the scenes you are in don't make it into the DVD and forever immortalize you in the annals of asshatdom. But the judge tosses out your case for lack of evidence, and further states that it is unlikely that you can demonstrate damages.

Which is funny. Because you, with your wealthy parents and your privileged lifestyle and your stupid fucking ignorant opinions had the potential to do so much damage in the world yourself. But by having those opinions taken and played not in front of your cronies, but in front of the very people you look down on, you have found, to your horror, that those opinions have damaged you instead. And this confounds you to your core.

Your life is suddenly not going the way you thought it would.

3 comments:

RandyLuvsPaiste said...

This reminds me of Wanda Sykes on Leno talking about the Foley Scandal. Loosely paraphrased, Alcohol is getting a bad name because people are blaming it for everything. "Alcohol might make you sleep with a fatty or pee on your neighbor's yard but you don't turn into a pedophile."

...or a racist
...or a misogynist

Grant Miller said...

I like sexy time.

vikkitikkitavi said...

Randy: I worship Wanda Sykes.

Grant: High five!