Monday, December 04, 2006

Or you could just go with "dickweed"

BushCo nemesis Hugo Chavez was easily re-elected in Sunday’s Venezuelan presidential election. In his acceptance speech, he unveiled a new nickname for our own president: “Mr. Danger.”

Even given that something might be getting lost in the translation, “Mr. Danger” is WAY too cool a nickname for 43. It makes him sound like some kind of a mildly retarded James Bond villain, an achievement that would be significantly beyond the abilities of our commander-in-chief. I mean, "Now watch this drive” - yes. “Now say goodbye, Mr. Bond” - uh...no.

If I may suggest, Mr, Chavez, why not call him “Cabeza Arbusto”? It’s original, it’s demeaning without being obscene (at least as far as I know), it's a spin on a famous Texas explorer, and it makes reference both to the inarticulate stuffing of his noggin, and his first mismanaged Daddy-funded venture. I think it’s kinda cute. And it’s yours. No attribution necessary.

5 comments:

Pops said...

Ha, that's ridiculous as everyone knows "Danger" is George Bush's... middle name.

I might be thinking of Austin Powers.

Johnny Yen said...

I kind of like the idea of W. as a mildly retarded Bond villian. Maybe it would get him to quit his current job.

kiki said...

i prefer him sticking to his original nickname for W = 'the devil'

Grant Miller said...

I'm not sold on "Mr. Danger" yet. Dr. danger? But he never went to medical school. I don't know. I think President Chavez should work on it a little more still.

vikkitikkitavi said...

Pops: Actually, Danger is Justice Souter's middle name. Fucker be crazy.

JohnnyY: I don't know why we don't just offer him Commissioner of Baseball and get it over with.

Kiki: While I'm sure invocations of the devil go over big in largely Catholic nations, I think it gives Bush WAY too much credit. Now, Cheney's a different story.

Grant: That's why he should use my suggestion! I'm telling you, I have a huge career ahead of me, speech writing for faux-populist egomaniacs.