Friday, April 13, 2007

The art of the conservative apology, or where to point the finger.

You've fucked up. The press is onto you. You're under the gun, and you've got to account for yourself. Do you:

1. Explain that you got some very bad advice. For example, say "I never would have robbed that bank, but I was advised to by the bank ethics committee. Boy, were they wrong!"

2. Blame rappers. As in, "I'm so sorry, boss, for calling you a whore. But I heard a rapper say it, and I assumed, apparently erroneously, that it was also appropriate in this completely different social setting and circumstance. Obviously, I am ignorant of some very basic rules of social interaction. Have I mentioned that those pants make you look fat?"

3. Plead incompetence. No matter how important the task that was fucked up, or how implausible the idea that your underlings would take such risky actions without your approval, no series of events is too large for you to simply deny that you knew anything about it at all.

4. If all else fails, go for the most basic defense there is, the defense that children have instinctively employed since the dawn of man. Put on your best innocent face and say "That lamp? That was broken even before I was born."


Anon. Blogger said...

Another great one, Vikki!

How about the religious approach? Cry real hard and say the word 'sin' a lot.

RandyLuvsPaiste said...

It's great when conservatives who preach "personal responsibility" always pseudo-apologize by making excuses.

This is second only to those who say "I accept full responsibility", then weasel out of any real consequences of their action.

pezda said...

This is one of the best posts I've read recently. Thanks. I am continually astounded by the amount of effort people put into hiding their screwups, or shifting the blame. If they put as much effort into doing their jobs the world would be a happier place.

dad said...

"Prayer breakfasts show the true strength of our nation." -- George W. Bush at this morning's National Catholic Prayer Breakfast.

cheer34 said...

I think going into rehab when you fuck up is the best way to accept responsiblity for the screw up that you really did not know anything about, and that was broken before you were born, but the biggest sin is the bad advice you got, HO! That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Greg said...

Ha ha-- nice. #2 is a key move that they've surprisingly underplayed lately, fo sho.

Johnny Yen said...

Brilliant, as always.

I'd add the "Dick Cheney" approach-- snarl and say, "Whaddya gonna do about it?" But that seems to be unique to ol' Dick.

dad said...

Speaking of clueless--Does the WH think that having Dick Chaney speak about anything, is helpful to their positions? I think they do. "Face the Nation" this last Sunday is a good example.