Famed playwright, author, director, and screenwriter David Mamet has signed a deal to direct a series of commercials for the Ford Motor Company. The commercials are for their new “crossover” vehicle, the Edge.
Commercial #1
We're adding a little something to this month's sales contest.
[salesmen react]
As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac El Dorado. Anybody want to see second prize?
[Holds up prize]
Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired.
Salesman #1
Is there a fourth prize?
Manager
Excuse me, you worthless piece-of-shit excuse for salesman. Did you just fucking say something to me?
[hesitantly] Is there a fourth prize?
Manager
Yeah, there’s a fourth prize. You wanna know what it is? The fourth prize, you stupid fucks, is a brand new Ford Edge.
Salesman #1
You’re a fucking heartless bastard, you know that?
Manager
That’s funny, that’s exactly what your wife said to me last night when I fucked her in the ass.
The camera pans from the conference room out the window to a brand new midnight blue Ford Edge parked in the lot below. A bum is pissing on it. Fade out.
Commercial #2
Two young men, Danny and Bernie, both players, are driving around downtown
Danny
Holy shit. You fucking see what I see?
Bernie
What?
Danny
On the corner?
Bernie
Yeah.
Danny
You see that?
Bernie
Yeah.
Danny
Do you see that?
Bernie
Jesus, I said I fucking see it.
Danny
You see that chick’s twat?
Bernie
What?
Danny
What the fuck did you think I was looking at, her fucking handbag or something? Her fucking handbag?
Bernie
I don’t see any twat.
Danny
It’s right there.
Bernie
Where?
Danny
Right fucking there! Between her fucking legs! Where the fuck do you think?
Bernie
Wait. Which one?
Danny
Which one. The one with the skirt so short her fucking twat is hanging out!
Bernie
Pull over. Let’s talk to them.
Danny
You think we can make them?
Bernie
Yeah, why the fuck not?
Danny
In this fucking piece-of-shit car? Forget it. They’d never go for it.
Bernie
I knew I should have borrowed my Grandma’s Subaru.
Danny tosses his cigarette out the window in disgust. Fade out.
13 comments:
I'm not sure what it means, but I'm totally going to buy a Subaru.
Beautiful. And the sad part is I betcha you'd have no problem getting Jim Belushi to participate.
Subarus rock!
As long as John Waters gets to direct the next Summer's Eve commercial, it's all good.
In the second commercial, you need Travolta asking Jackson what they call the Edge in France.
Then they drive to the cleaners to get brain matter scrubbed out of it...
Pops: So I'll put you down under "not an effective ad for Ford" then.
Chris: No, the problem with that would be all on the Ford side.
Randy: Spoken like a Subaru owner.
Kirby: If only Divine were still alive. Do you think they could construct his performance from old Waters movies. I bet they could.
SkyDad: I don't do Tarantino.
Hey- my Subaru Forester is a TOTAL lesbian magnet.
Laugh out loud FUNNY!!
Feel Good Comedy of the Year!
My son Adam, at the age of 7 or 8, on the Subaru Forrester:
"Dad-- look at the Subaru Forrester over there. It can't decide whether it's an SUV or a station wagon."
I think Subaru needs to hire him for their marketing division.
Go ahead and let Mamet write the commercials. But David Cronenberg would be my choice to film them...
Sounds pretty accurate.
I wonder what David Lynch is doing right now.
20 seconds of ants crawling on a severed human ear in the grass.
camera slowly pans up to a Ford Edge.
fade to black
Ok, that was fucking genius, and now I have diet coke all over the computer screen.
And oddly enough, I made a Glengarry, Glen Ross comment on another blog this afternoon.
Wow, I missed some funny shit while I was sick.
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