Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Do you feel lucky, punk?

Avril Lavigne sucks.

Which is fine, and I'm certainly not the first person to point it out, but now she is sucking on the cover of my fa-vor-ite magazine.

What's up, Lucky? What's the freakin deal? You're a fashion magazine. When women are on your cover, they're wearing fashion. You know, like fashion-y type things. Like articles of clothing that some really bitchy designer somewhere thought about, and drew, and then like, MADE and stuff. Or had tiny little Filipino women make - anyway, the point is - do I really have to spell it out? She's on your cover, see, and she's wearing a WHITE TANK TOP and a BLACK MENSWEAR VEST, SEE? SEE?...THAT'S WHAT SHE ALWAYS WEARS! And I don't need to see her wearing it on the cover of a magazine that purports to be about FASHION. Because there's nothing remotely fashion-related happening at all up there! NOTHING! She's got a SKULL NECKLACE! She's got some lame-ass RED STREAK in her hair, which is STRAIGHT, and PARTED IN THE MIDDLE. I'm sure, if you panned down, she'd be wearing a STUDDED BELT, TIGHT BLACK PANTS, and BLACK CONVERSE HIGHTOPS! So what?? Girls like her have been wearing those SAME EXACT CLOTHES for the last freaking thirty years, is all!! So, while that may merit a mention in National Geographic, or maybe SARTORIAL BORINGNESS MONTHLY, it does not, no way, earn that dweeb the cover of my favorite magazine. Do we understand each other, Lucky? Do we???

I just looked inside, and Avril says her favorite store is Trash and Vaudeville. What a freakin' surprise. Excuse me while I retch.


Spooney said...

She's about as original as the stupid goth bitch Amy Lee from the stupid band Evanescence and about as punk as Donny Osmond.

Jess said...

You just described my entire style (minus the hair) during the early 90s!

Spooney said...


I do remember you wearing vests when I first knew you. That would have been back in '95.

Grant Miller said...

I'm wearing blue converse lowtops. What are you saying?

Spooney said...

Oh Grant,

Everyone knows that real men wear hi-tops.

cheer34 said...

Vests are so 80's. I bet it's not even vintage.

vikkitikkitavi said...

Spooney: Well, of course, that's why I can't help but despise her. Because she's always sticking out her tongue and flipping people off, and talking about how punk she is, and her music is like the worst kind of bubblegum crap.

Jess: Oh. Awkward.

Grant: That you're about two inches and a couple of shades away from being her.

Cheer34: Vests are one of the most misused items of apparel, ever, if you ask me. Women use them to attempt to cover a multitude of sins, and if fact they do exactly the opposite.

Wow, who knew I was so opinionated about vests? Huh.

I'm so full of shit about half the time.

GETkristiLOVE said...

I thought the same thing when I got my Lucky in the mail. She even sucks at the trashy look.

Chris said...

Amen sistah!

ps- Thanks for the linkie!

kbryna said...

SARTORIAL BORINGNESS MONTHLY is my favorite, favorite magazine ever.