In honor of Patriot Day

Okay, I'm a day late. But I just watched the rerun of Real Time with Bill Maher, and he's inspired me to new levels of patriotism:

Bad presidents happen to good people. Amid all the 9/11 anniversary talk about what will keep us safe, let me suggest that, in a world turned hostile to America, the smartest message we can send to those beyond our shores is, "We're not with stupid." Therefore, I maintain that ridiculing this president is now the most patriotic thing you can possibly do. Wait. Let the word go forth to our allies and our enemies alike. Let them know that there's a whole swath of Americans desperate to distance themselves from George Bush. And that's just Republicans running for re-election.

If I could - if I could explain one thing about George Bush to the rest of the world, it's this: we don't know what the fuck he's saying either! Trust me, there's nothing lost in translation! It's just as incoherent in the original English. George Bush just turned out to be one of those things that's very popular for a few years, and then almost overnight becomes completely embarrassing. Like leg-warmers or white people going, "Oh, no, you di-n't." Or invading Iraq.

Thanks, Bill! And readers, for inspiration on fulfilling your patriotic duty, see Slate's comprehensive list of Bushisms, featuring such gems as:

Bush on Oceanography
"I think—tide turning—see, as I remember—I was raised in the desert, but tides kind of—it's easy to see a tide turn—did I say those words?"—Washington, D.C., June 14, 2006

and

Bush on Medieval Weaponry
"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda."—Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005

and

Bush on Supply-Side Economics
"Secondly, the tactics of our—as you know, we don't have relationships with Iran. I mean, that's—ever since the late '70s, we have no contacts with them, and we've totally sanctioned them. In other words, there's no sanctions—you can't—we're out of sanctions."—Annandale, Va., Aug. 9, 2004

and

Bush on Domestic Policy
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."—Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

and

Bush on Agriculture
"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."—Greater Nashua, N.H., Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000

and

Bush on Transportation Infrastructure
"Will the highways on the Internet become more few?"—Concord, N.H., Jan. 29, 2000

and

Bush on Terrorism
"It's going to require numerous IRA agents."—On Gore's tax plan, Greensboro, N.C., Oct. 10, 2000

and

Bush on Rene Descarte and Modern Philosophy
"I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions. I can't answer your question."— Reynoldsburg, Ohio, Oct. 4, 2000

and

Bush on Foreign Relations
"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."—Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

and

Bush on Self-Knowledge
"I am a person who recognizes the fallacy of humans."—Oprah, Sept. 19, 2000

and

Bush on Cardiology
"We'll let our friends be the peacekeepers and the great country called America will be the pacemakers."—Houston, Texas, Sept. 6, 2000

and

Bush on Economic Policy
"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."--Reuters, May 5, 2000

and

Bush on Getting to Scotland Before Ye
"The senator has got to understand if he's going to have—he can't have it both ways. He can't take the high horse and then claim the low road."—To reporters in Florence, S.C., Feb. 17, 2000

and

Bush on Breast Feeding
"How do you know if you don't measure if you have a system that simply suckles kids through?"— Explaining the need for educational accountability in Beaufort, S.C., Feb. 16, 2000

and

Bush on Haute Cuisine
"We ought to make the pie higher."—South Carolina Republican Debate, Feb. 15, 2000



Jeez, I'm afraid I could go on all day. Readers, feel free to submit your own.