Thursday, December 08, 2005

Damned to eternal hellfire if you do, damned to eternal hellfire if you don't

On the subject of this whole "War on Christmas" thing, which believe me, is only a news story because idiots who need to think of things to whine about on their tv shows are talking about it, I would just like to offer a word of sympathy to retailers coming under fire for non-denominational greetings in their advertisments.

It wasn't so long ago that these same retailers were getting all kinds of shit from the same kinds of people for COMMERCIALIZING CHRISTMAS.

Yeah, remember that? Remember when the religious types were all upset that department stores and other retailers would plaster the "Merry Christmas" signage everywhere, and would use nativity scenes and other "holy" symbols to advertise, say, their mid-December large appliance sales?

Well, forget all of that, retailers. The proper place for Christmas is not in your heart, no matter what that liberal puss commie Linus says. The proper place for Christmas is on that fucking marqee, and in large (preferably color) letters in the newspaper ad, and on that big fucking plastic banner that you string across your parking lot.

And "Merry Christmas!" should be spoken to every customer, loudly, and with forced merriment, the moment they enter the store. It should be drilled into their heads that that's why they are there, in your stores, spending money, right?

Christmas equals spending money in stores. At last all those killjoy Christians agree that the most important feature of Christmas is that the retailers are hyping it sufficiently, and if they don't, then Christmas is dying.

So go to it, motherfuckers.

Happy fucking birthday, Jesus!

No comments: