Monday, December 05, 2005

Isn't that why you hire her?

Live 8 (yeah, I bet you thought you'd never hear those words again) is suing TrimSpa for failure to control their spokesmodel, Anna Nicole Smith.

They contend that she showed up for the event intoxicated and scantily clad.

Um, excuse me, but isn't that in her contract? I believe it is. Wait, let me find the exact language...

Yeah, here it is:

"Aforementioned spokesmodel, Anna Nicole Smith (hereinafter "SMITH"), shall arrive at event not later than two hours after the time agreed upon, and depart not earlier than immediately after passing out in the greenroom (an event which may or may not be preceeded by evacuating the contents of her stomach in a location not more than fifteen (15) feet from the greenroom toilet).

SMITH's apparel shall be not only inappropriate for a televised event, but shall be of sufficient scantiness so as to excite comment amongst jaded musicians, roadies, and event personnel.

Furthermore, SMITH shall maintain a blood alcohol level of .12 throughout the event, and shall speak only in monosyllables and/or gibberish, except for the sponsor's brand name, i.e., "TrimSpa," which must be spoken at least once on-air with sufficient clarity so that the brand name "TrimSpa" can be easily understood by the average viewer and/or concert-goer."

I noticed that Live 8 excised the paragraph pertaining to above-the-waist full frontal nudity requirement, (historically known as the "Valerie Perrine clause," owing to the actress's pioneering work in this area of contractual requirements documentation), but hey, they're a family show, so no surprise there.

I think Live 8 don't have a leg to stand on in this one.

No comments: