Friday, August 19, 2005

Another gem from McSweeney's

I can't resist this one, really:

Acts Prohibited by
the U.S. Houseof Representatives'
Proposed Flag-Burning Amendment.

- - - -
Burning the flag.
Touching the flag less than 30 minutes after eating.
Picking the flag last for dodgeball.
Staring at the flag's cleavage.
Assuring the flag that you consider it a really good friend, and then pressuring it to sleep with you.
Sleeping with the flag and not calling the next day.
Sullenly agreeing to meet the flag at the coffee shop and staring into your coffee without talking.
Cutting off the flag's pleading questions by yelling, "Get a life!"
Calling the flag's best friend at 3 in the morning to talk about how the flag doesn't understand you.
Coming within 100 yards of the flag in violation of the restraining order.


Vertabrett said...

Do not look at Happy Fun Flag.
Do not play with Happy Fun Flag.
and most importantly,
Do not taunt Happy Fun Flag.

Lychee said...

Thank you for this which lead to this find this morning:

Except now my stomach hurts from laughing too much. I can only hope Bush reads them (though he wouldn't get it).


vikkitikkitavi said...

I love those. McSweeneys rocks.

You might enjoy this piece I wrote that they printed: