Wednesday, August 31, 2005

I've got the strangest feeling I've blogged this before...

So, I quit my job today, which was both exhilarating and cringe-inducing.

I hate disappointing people. Shut up, it’s true. This is what accounts for my near-psychotic-level work ethic, I suppose. So it’s hard to look someone in the eye and tell them that you’re sorry that the timing sucks but you found something better.

I have grown found of this place in the 7 years I’ve been here, and I felt as though the new owners of my current company were really counting on me to adapt our old systems to their new strategy, so I felt needed, which is essential for me. And when the job interview opportunity had arisen, I said to myself, “I’m not desperate. I’ll only leave if it’s a good position, with good people, making a good product, and they give me what the work is worth, dollar-wise.”

All those things happened.

While I was explaining to my current employer that the deal was so great I could not pass it up, I got the strangest, strongest feeling of déjà vu. I felt as though I had definitely dreamed that moment before living it, and not so recently so as to be a mere imagining of an encounter I knew I would have. I feel like I dreamed it many months ago, before the first phone call, before the interview.

Is it possible, I wonder? To have mentally set in motion this chain of events?


Just yanking your chain. Seriously. I don’t go for that new-age malarkey.

Still, that déjà vu thing is disconcerting.

I remember once I told my dad that I had a déjà vu experience, and he said “When you get that feeling, try to remember what happens next before it does!”

It’s never worked. Déjà vu remains a powerful but indistinct feeling for me, like when you stand up too fast, and you feel out of control but you’re not sure why.

Scientists theorize that the phenomenon of déjà vu is a really just a small mental malfunction, and that the parts of the brain that record memories and those that recall them are erroneously engaged at the same moment.

Psychiatrists will tell you that crazy people get déjà vu a lot. They might not put it quite that way, however…

Also, psychiatrists will tell you that crazy people get déjà vu a lot. They might not put it quite…that way…

Anyway, psychiatrists will tell you that I’m crazy, but a lot of people are…that way.

So, I quit my job today…

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