Thursday, July 27, 2006

Offing The Hoff?


Okay, so I'm reading this pretty boring gossip item about whether David Hasselhoff, (who, by the way, is working on a musical of his life to be staged in Australia - sorry, Australia) was denied boarding on a British Airways flight because he was drunk, or because, as his publicist contends, he was suffering from a reaction to "strong antibiotics." (c'mon, who HASN'T popped a couple of Amoxicillin, dropped their drawers, and belted out show tunes in the British Airways terminal?)

And so right as I'm about to doze off, I come across this shocking revelation: "Last month, the actor sliced four tendons and an artery in a shaving accident at his London hotel."

Four tendons and an artery? Shaving accident?

[gulp]

Does The Hoff have a death wish?

Ooh, it's a compelling thought, ain't it? That one of the great masters of non-self-aware, non-ironic self-promotion is harboring a secret self-loathing so deep that it compels him to take razor-and-alcohol-fueled swipes at his very life force?

That kinda makes me like him just a little.

And truth be told, I really don't want him to go. I don't want him to leave us...okay, mostly because I don't want retrospectives of his life replacing the usual fine programming on my beloved E! channel.

So don't go, Hoff. Come back to us, all is forgiven. And by "all," I mean this. And this. And for chrissakes, this.

7 comments:

Spooney said...

No Hoff, don't do it!
We need you now, more than ever!

Jess said...

I tried watching "Knight Rider" the other day. It was on cable. Back in the day, it was my favorite show!

Not any more. I got through about 1/4 of it. And then I deleted "The A Team" off my Tivo without bothering to try to watch it.

Once (when I was around 9) my dad said "If you had to choose between owning Kitt or The Black Stallion, who would you choose. WHO WOULD YOU CHOOSE?!"

I swear to god, I stayed up nights thinking about it. I still do. My dad is evil.

Larry Jones said...

He's the Pat Boone of the 21st century. Also the 1980's and 90's.

Because he's clean-cut, but he really rocks.

RandyLuvsPaiste said...

Take it from a nurse: nobody could ever confuse an antibiotic reaction for a bender.

Publicists are just amazing people, huh?

vikkitikkitavi said...

Spooney: I think you especially need him.

Jess: For me it was Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang or the Nestle's Quik bunny.

LJ: Of course Boone is also a member of the GMofN-S-E,N-IS-P.

RandyLuvP: Does that mean that Lindsey Lohan wasn't really hospitalized today for "dehydration?"

Pisser said...

Hm, "shaving accident":Hoff as "kitchen accident":Middle-Eastern Men and Mother-in-Laws Who Set Their Wives on Fire Because they Don't Want them Anymore...?

Grant Miller said...

I always get into trouble when I trim my bush.