SCENES FROM LORD OF THE RINGS THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN USED AS SETUPS FOR BAD COMMERCIALS HAD THE FILMMAKERS NOT RESPECTED THE MATERIAL.

From McSweeney's

BY CODY JAMES
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(LEGOLAS bounds up a rocky outcropping and surveys the landscape. ARAGORN approaches.)
ARAGORN: What do your elf eyes see?
LEGOLAS: There ... in the distance ... (Points excitedly) ... two arches of gold.
(ARAGORN smiles. LEGOLAS returns it. They bound down the hill. Then:)
GIMLI: (Off camera.) Wait for me!
INT. MCDONALD'S—LATER
(ARAGORN, LEGOLAS, and GIMLI have just placed their orders.)
CASHIER: For a limited time, you can buy your favorite Lord of the Rings character figurines for just $1.99 with the purchase of any Value Meal.
(They look at each other and nod approvingly.)
LATER
(They are hungrily shoving burgers in their mouths at a table.)
LEGOLAS: Aragorn, who have you chosen?
(He sheepishly produces a movable figurine of Arwen and blushes. LEGOLAS and GIMLI smile knowingly.)
ARAGORN: And you, my friends—who did you choose?
(Simultaneously, they produce their figurines. LEGOLAS has GIMLI, and vice versa. They all look at each other and laugh heartily.)
ARAGORN: (Clapping and laughing.) I'm lovin' it!