Friday, August 25, 2006

Beverly Hills. Where the streets are paved with gold. Well, gold and the residents' own sense of entitlement.

So, tourists are not flocking to Rodeo Drive like they used to.

I can't imagine why. I find the prices very reasonable there. And the employees in all those exclusive boutiques - so helpful and not at all snooty that you are wearing Kirkland jeans.

The Beverly Hills City Manager, Roderick Wood, is convinced that they have to rip up all their brand-new sidewalks and replace them with granite.

Because concrete is you say? Ah, yes. Gauche.

I know, I know. Who cares? But it's always been fairly nauseating to me that BH wastes their abundant taxpayer funds on bionic police dogs and gold-plated parking meters, and whatever else they take it in their enormous, swelled heads that they need to acquire to keep out the riff-raff of Los Angeles, and to lord it over us that we will never, ever, see a dime of revenue from them no matter how far our LA school system falls into the abyss.

But the best part is Wood's argument in favor of the granite upgrade. This argument is just so...well, Beverly Hills-ian:
Rodeo Drive's [existing] concrete walkways would be "a very nice addition in Riverside or Indio," Wood said. But "even in places like Fresno," far-sighted officials have begun jazzing up their city streets.
Oh-ho-ho, snap!

Do you get his point? Do ya? That concrete is good enough for Riverside, which is Inland Empire for gosh sake, or Indio, which is where all the people who work in Palm Springs live, but it's not good enough for Beverly Hills! Not BEVERLY HILLS!

And even people in the central California burg of Fresno would know better! Ha! Ha! Even Fresno would know better, you see! Fresno! Ha! Ha! Fresno!

Fresno. That kills me. Seriously.


Pops said...


(Just to be clear, I am NOT from Fresno. God, even the thought of it...)

Just because we TOTALLY WOULD take your sidewalks doesn't mean we're not INSULTED by the offer. You can package them up, you can ship them and we will install them, but you'd better know FULL FUCKING WELL Mr. Wood that our homeless people will defecate ALL OVER YOUR PRECIOUS REJECTED CONCRETE at will.

Seriously, we can't stop them. They're everywhere.

Megan said...

Wasn't the Karate Kid from Fresno?

GETkristiLOVE said...

The BH boutique owners are always so snooty with me, but then Richard Gere shows up and they kiss my ass.

vikkitikkitavi said...

Pops: I knew you were gonna be steamed. As well you should. I mean, your city has been insulted. I'd be steamed if I lived in Riverside.

On second thought, I'd be dead if I lived in Riverside. I think pills...yeah, pills would do the trick.

Megan: And Sam Peckinpah. And Kevin Federline. Oooh, I smell a pitch!

GKristiL: I don't mind that you live in a fantasy world, but could you pick a different genre?