Friday, August 18, 2006

Oh, and one more thing. Fuck you.

Gals, get ready!

There's a new book on how to snag a man!

And I, for one, can not WAIT to hear this author's moronic advice debated on all the talk shows!

From the author's interview in Time:
Are these rules for life?
Once he's in love with you, you can start retiring some of the rules.
You advise not to tell him "your dirty laundry." Shouldn't you be honest?
This is a huge mistake. Actually, this is one of the tips I feel strongest about. Too often, girls reveal way too much on the first, second, third date: "I was abused as a child." "I don't get along with my parents." "I was in rehab."...He starts to think, oh gosh, this girl has way too much baggage for me. You don't want that. Let it come out later. Once he likes you enough, he'll take the good and the bad. He'll take it all. He'll take your baggage.
What about: never admit that you've slept with more than five guys?
This rule applies, once again, very early in the relationship...Do not start revealing your sexual past with a guy. It's just not good. It's none of his business that early on; you don't know if you're going to be in a serious relationship with Mr. Second Date; you don't know where it's going to go. So why should you reveal that?...Once you guys are in love, and time has passed, then you can start opening up.
You tell women to talk like a lady and not a trucker. What about that?
Definitely. Especially nowadays, some girls have some pretty dirty mouths. It's just not attractive. You can speak like that with your friends, and people close with you. But I think with a guy, try to keep the profanity to a minimum, at least early on in the relationship. Don't drop the F-Bomb to describe your burger: "Boy, this is the best f---ing burger I've ever eaten in my life!" Just relax.

Um, does any besides me sense an overall f---ing strategy here? A f---ing strategy that goes something like "pretend you're a different f---ing person until you snag him!"

You f---ing know what? There's already too many f---ing people in this country doing exactly that. No wonder the f---ing divorce rate is so high.

(via Broadsheet)


Megan said...

Dude, I'm gonna start dropping SO many f-bombs on first dates (that is, if I ever GO on a first date). Because, let's face it, if a guy's not okay with my trucker mouth, he's probably not the guy for me. Plus I cuss pretty fucking eloquently sometimes.

Chris said...
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Chris said...

I find women who curse well extremely attractive. I'm not talking just about dirty talk, but general cursing. I'm 100% serious. Whoever wrote this has their head up their ass.

Hill said...

Hale f---ing lujia!! FINALLY some practical advice!!

...from, say FIFTY YEARS AGO???

The real question is...should I take my pearls off BEFORE starting the dishes, or wait until after I've scrubbed the bathroom in heels and a hoop skirt?

Just askin.

yo sisters cube mate said...

Women, there are only a couple of things you need to really know about men:

On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines the pit stops, not the weakest.

Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

And finally, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

There ya go...

vikkitikkitavi said...

Megan: I could not fucking agree more.

Chris: I don't understand why you don't have a date every fuckin night of the week, dude.

Hill: Hey baby, I miss your blog. Emailed you for the PW but never heard back.

YSCM: You are completely irrational. Let me straighten you out:

1. Oh, so you'd LIKE me to piss in your car??

2. Women who pretend to love a sport they do not love (like boring-ass football) in order to snag a man DESERVE to spend the rest of their lives bored out of their minds waiting for the fucking game to be over so they can go out to dinner, or go to a party, or go to a movie, or go for a bike ride, or go for any other real-life-type activity. I was a football widow once. It fucking sucked. Gals, if you think he watches a lot of sports now, just remember, the sports watching will only INCREASE as he gets older, it will NOT decrease. He will NOT "grow out of it."

Of course, baseball is a beautiful poetic sport that is the embodiment of everything that is good in life, and is not subject to the above rules.

3. Dude, you need to let that shit go. It's just pizza. It's just beer. There are stores that sell both, and they're probably not that far from you.

4. You need to get it in or sit the fuck down, because I will NOT be stepping in your fucking pee in the sanctity of my own fucking bathroom. Sitting down to pee is not the moral equivalent of castration, okay?

your sisters cube mate said...

He he he, my work here is done, Vikki is fired up!

Grant Miller said...
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Grant Miller said...

I think the the divorce rate is high because some women just don't know how to listen.

Plus, these rules clearly do not apply to men that have latent homosexual impulses for truckers.

vikkitikkitavi said...

Grant, why is it always about you, you, you?

GETkristiLOVE said...

Take it from someone who's been dating non-stop for 30 years - this author chickie has it completely backwards. Hit the guy with all your baggage and anything else (like cursing) you can think of on the first date - if he's not scared off by that, then he might have potential.

Oh, and of course it's very important in my case to make sure they love to watch hockey, play hockey, or at least watch me play hockey.

Jess said...

I did pretty much the opposite of everything in the article and "snagged" Jeff!

Hell, the night we met, I sang "Fuck Her Gently" and looked up to see him staring at me with a shining gentle love in his eyes. I had him at "You don't always have to fuck her hard."

vikkitikkitavi said...

Kristi: You might have better luck in Canada.

Jess: That's what I'm talkin' about! What guy worth his salt WOULDN'T love a gal who is down with some Tenacious D?